My apartment complex isn’t one of those fancy ones that has assigned parking spaces, but you know how it goes. Even though there aren’t any clear spots that belong to anyone, people sort of fall into routine and take the same spot over and over. I step outside and I know that my neighbor upstairs parks here, the folks across the way are there, and I have my own spot as well. I moved in around May, and have parked in the same spot every day since. I didn’t even think to myself, “What spot might I park in tonight?” I just knew where I was going to park and that was that. So you can imagine the pure shock that hit me when I pulled my car in one night only to see that my spot was OCCUPIED! I let out a cry, wondering what kind of person would do such a thing. Then I noticed, this was an unfamiliar vehicle. We didn’t have any new neighbors, and no one had spoken of buying a new car. This was a car whose origins were shrouded in mystery. Did it just appear out of thin air? I realized I had only been gone a few minutes, and in that time this car just magically appeared in MY spot.
While we’ve done our fair share of incredibly bad Halloween costumes in the past. I figure before we get to that this year, maybe we should check out what would actually qualify as a really good Halloween costume. And I’m not talking about that deluxe Master Chief costume or that one Batman costume that’s goddamn everywhere this year. No, we’re talking about costumes that would absolutely steal the show wherever you could show it off. Costumes so ghastly that no child on your block would come close to your house for nigh on twenty years after you walked out of your front door with one of these bad boys on. These… THESE are the cream of the crop…
Though it was forged in MSPaint by one man, the story of BOO! was a tale that has existed in the minds and the souls of people world-wide for generations. It rolled off the tongue of every schoolchild, it had its story told by graffiti in back alleys, and even the halls of rest-homes echoed the tale. Knowing the significance and history behind this story, I knew I had to do something. I knew that I had to bring this tale to life in a way never before seen. So I sat down and for many years I painstakingly transferred this legend into the form you see today. When BOO! was first introduced to the internet, it was during simpler times. It was during a time where morals were valued over gold, and children argued if they DID NOT have to wear their school uniform.
It was 2008.
For the last week I’ve been going around in a sort of semi-daze. The hours of the day are spent looking blankly at the wall, or wandering aimlessly from room to room. I rarely eat, and have avoided most human contact. I only showed up for work one day, and only stayed for an hour before I started screaming uncontrollably in terror and had to be taken home. My life is spiralling out of control, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. No one can help me. Only one thing floats through my mind now. Only one thing sits just beyond my periphery… so close but impossible to grasp:
Though we’ve calmed down in our old age, it refreshes me to see that we can still start a damned good shit-storm here at OMGJ.
I am of course referring to the recent article I posted on my experiences at a local wrestling show, put on by the NWA / YWA (also known as NWA Carolinas). The article itself was pretty straight-forward, as I just expressed my thoughts about what was a very shitty wrestling show. The real fun started when some wrestlers from the YWA came across the article and proceeded to make English teachers across the USA cry. When all was said and done, 100-some comments later there was laughter, apparently big grown men yelling at a screen, and mass confusion. Jeremy Gregory (of OMGJeremy.com fame), demanded that I write a recap article, if for no other reason than just to straighten things out for his old confused ass.
I am a huge wrestling fan. I have been ever since I was a small child, and to this day never miss wrestling every Monday night. Though I am always up for watching two great wrestlers put on a classic match, I am also a fan of the exact opposite. My enjoyment for good wrestling is about right on par with my enjoyment for bad wrestling. Not just bad wrestling as in two guys having an off match, but downright shitty wrestling with a bunch of overweight guys who don’t really know what they are doing. Thankfully I lived in North Carolina, probably THE source for shitty wrestling in the United States. Not a weekend went by that I didn’t have my choice from several shit-assed wrestling events. Backyard wrestling full of inexperienced kids who hopefully have all died by now, or organizations full of old, overweight guys that could barely move… I had a wide variety to choose from. Then I moved up North, where the only wrestling was actually good… and I was sad.
Shockingly enough, I have apparently never sat down and written anything about every one’s favorite late 90′s failed mascot, Gex. I think I’m going to try to attempt to rectify that right this instant in what will mostly be some sort of long, rambling justification for actually liking most of the Gex games. Yes, I’ve learned to be that damn good at justifying things in my life. Bad game mascots included.
I’ve been unemployed for well… a long, long time. I’ve been job-hunting for what seems like forever. It was one of the main reasons for moving back to North Carolina, as I was living in that jobless hell-hole, Michigan, when my job-hunt began. I tried hard, I mean really hard. It wasn’t like I just put in one application for Arby’s and then just sat around leaching off of my friends until they kicked me out for being trashy and someone who is just going to kill themselves one day while some shitty “Farewell World” mix CD is playing in the background. Truth be told, I never put in an application at Arby’s because I am in my 20′s and I understand that kind of work is for the 15-18 crowd.
Day to day life can put a lot of wear and tear on you. I know first-hand, as someone who has spent years working hard and having little time to relax. I get stressed out, I get tired, I get sore… but what can I do about it? A massage would help, but where can I get one of those? There is one massage parlor nearby, but I think a dude works there and I don’t want some guy rubbing me down, our arm hair getting intertwined. Sadly, we don’t have any of THOSE sorts of massage parlors, the one where the young and attractive female employees go above and beyond to “pleasure” their customers. So what do I do? Yeah, I could just ask my ladyfriend and she would do it… but we will act like I haven’t thought of that, for the sake of the article.
It’s no secret that I genuinely loved my 3DO. While the majority of people present-day totally bash it into the ground, let it be known that 98% of the people saying this never even owned the system, and are simply restating tired Internet memes while acting like they know what they’re talking about. I’m not going to sit here and defend the system though. It honestly doesn’t need defending at this point. Though I can at least say it had a damn fine library of games for such a niche (and expensive) system that a lot of people overlook simply because no one owned a 3DO. Not only did it have the best version of Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo, and many other great games, but also saw the rise of huge developers like Crystal Dynamics, Naughty Dog, and several other studios that produced some great original game franchises.
Po’d was not one of those.