One note though: Blue is a she, not an it.

And have you heard about Periwinkle? He has a lovely little periwinkle-blue kitten.

And don’t give me that ‘oh I have to talk to Jeremy/Billy about it first so just submit it and we’ll see.’ I’m serious, I want to write some articles for my favorite website and I’ll be damned if your sweet sweet words stop me. surrender your fruits to me.

BUT SERIOUSLY I am your new writer and don’t you dare defy me.

But check this out, I’ve been a fanboy of this site for literally over a decade and I won’t allow you three whores to sit around on AIM while crying and masturbating and say ‘well it’s time to close down the website.’ I see it happening that way and it pisses me off. There are NO sites like this left, and if you kill this site I will truly IRL be super sadder than I already am and drink whiskey and cry and then die out of spite. I have over the years submitted 2 articles to you for publishing consideration and both were not just rejected but entirely ignored. NO ONE ‘got back to me.’

But I come before you to say/ask you, before this site dies, to consider taking me on as a writer, I’m full of piss and vinegar and I know I won’t let you down if you just put me in the game., coach, COME ON COACH I’M FUCKIN READY COACH ARGH

Let me write you an article that you will at least agree to consider and reply to. AGREE SITE-WENCH or else, internet threats.

When I played this game I thougt, “Oh my god, this is fantastic” and the reason for that is because it IS. The graphics in this game are unmatched by any other game in this century.
Surpassing even Skyrim, this game offers a degree of originality and freedom to explore that is simply sensational. Furthermore, I really must compliment the lead designers in charge of this game; the fighting mechanics and the AI are phenomenal. I found myself intrigued with its complicated level design and its challenging levels.
Oh, and dont even get me started on the controls! They perfectly with the game, and feel completely natural. Any other control setup wouldn’t have done this game justice.

So, to summarise; this game is simply gorgeous. With its detailed characters, its fun gameplay, complex level design and originality, its a “must-buy” for anyone. I absolutely loved it! If you are a fan of Steven Seagal, Batman, Monty Python, Indiana Jones, Duke Nukem, Mario, dildos, Britney Spears, George W. Bush or anything else then just go pick this game up now.

Graphics – 10/10
Sound – 10/10
Level Design – 10/10
Originality – 10/10
Controls – 10/10

Total: 10/10!

I PROMISE. Maybe I will write something like TONIGHT. See what you’ve done?? I have no idea when the star of the show, OMGJeremy himself, will ever write again though. What a jerk, yeah, I agree.