23rd Oct2009

Movie Review: Paranormal Activity

by Billy

paranormal-activity-poster

I will start this article by saying the following:

If this is what passes for a “horror” film these days, and if this is what scares people… then we have entered an era of being a bunch of no-taste pussies. I watched this film after hearing how it was quite possibly the scariest film of the year, the decade, or perhaps OF ALL TIME! Granted, movies don’t really scare me… but I still watched this one with the hopes that all the people talking about how they pissed themselves watching this were right. (more…)

12th Oct2009

Movie Review: The Item

by Jeremy P

Capture

This is a first for me, ladies and gentlemen. Normally, I’m fairly good at judging a movie by its box, and I have managed to avoid a movie that ends up being too awful for words. Alternatively, I have rented many movies (most of which I have reviewed here) solely because the box made it look bad. This movie, however, fits none of these rules. If you saw the box above, what kind of movie would you say you are renting? I’ll tell you what I thought – I thought this would be another “mysterious monster shows up and slowly kills a group of friends until the last friend or two make a last desperate stand and kill the monster” film. Well, I was way off. This movie is nothing like the box makes it look… but not in the way I’d like. (more…)

28th Sep2009

Movie Review: Uncle Goddamn

by Billy

qH52Fsud0NWS8FHVery rarely do I make a DVD purchase just based on the front cover. In fact, I have only put my faith in a film based on the cover-art twice, the first time being for High School GhostHustlers. Of course a bunch of half-dressed Japanese schoolgirls with a Ghostbusters gimmick on a cover can’t make for a bad picture. The second time… well that is what this article is about. While looking through the over-priced goods at a local Best Buy, I happened upon a DVD that grabbed me. The cover wasn’t all that fancy, nor did it advertise any stars that I recognized, but it did have one thing going for it: it had the word “Goddamn” in the title. (more…)

13th Jul2009

Hentai Review: Frantic Female and Frustrated Part 2

by Jeremy

In our last attempt to justify suicide, we took a look at the critically acclaimed hentai movie F3. And in the process, gained a new found respect for the female orgasm, masturbation, and horribly stupid plots that are seemingly selected through random dreams the writer has had. In case you missed the review, and are too lazy to go look, the original F3 dealt with the touchy subject of the female orgasm, and the lengths at which one frigid teenager will go to have one. Not surprisingly, the best part of the movie was when it was over, and I was able to wipe the glaze from my eyes and return to a fairly normal life of sitting in my chair all day. But little did I know that F3 didn’t stop at those credits. No, F3 is actually a small trilogy, and it seems you and I will be lucky enough to view them all. Which is why today we will be taking a look at the second part of F3, confusingly titled: F3 Part 2. (more…)

18th May2009

Hentai Review: Frantic Female and Frustrated

by Jeremy

If you were to go up and ask any woman on the street if they have had an orgasm recently, the answer you would almost certainly get would be a well placed fist into your neck. This I assume, is because women are not like men, and really don’t like to discuss their masturbation techniques with their friends like us men do on occasion. Men seemingly don’t care about this, and will gleefully share all of their knowledge of masturbation with you as if he is telling you the meaning of life, and will not stop until you forcefully push him out of your car. I’m not sure why there is such a large difference between male and females. Perhaps it’s that whole, “Men are from Mars women are from Venus” thing, but I refuse to believe that because the guy who wrote that book really isn’t all that funny, and comes off as someone I would immediately ignore if I met him in real life. Just like my parents. HA HA! Just kidding Dad! You fucking stoner! (more…)

18th Apr2009

Hentai Review: Magical Twilight

by Jeremy

(Please note that I was largely writing this review from memory, and refused to watch this movie over again for accuracy’s sake. So if you notice certain parts of the movie in places they shouldn’t be, or entire scenes omitted, then consider yourself lucky) (more…)

02nd Apr2009

Hentai Review: Sex Taxi

by Jeremy

sextaxicompleteSo a friend of mine messaged me the other day telling me I should review this horrible hentai movie she watched while drunk. (more…)

06th Feb2009

Hentai Review: Tokio Private Police

by Jeremy

toptp

One thing I’ve noticed while sitting through what seems to be at least seven hundred million hours of hentai movies, is that there simply isn’t enough hentai movies in a science fiction setting. I mean, sure the typical Japanese High School settings that inhabit nearly 90% of hentai movies are fun and full of whimsy, but they do tend to get old after a while. And to the reviewers who actually have to review them (mostly just me), they eventually start to run into each other, with the only thing separating them being the ugly side-kick character that spouts out dirty jokes and makes witty yet highly amusing anecdotes about women’s vaginas. (more…)

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