Movie Review: Dirty Girl
Welcome to my long overdue review of a movie called Dirty Girl! Welcome! Please feel welcome! I just sat down and thought to myself, “Hey what should I do next?” I have like a thousand things that I am behind on. Some things, heck, I am like two years behind on them. Where does the time go? I will tell you right here and right now that I surely do not know. Anyway, as I perused my List of Burdens that are slowly sapping my will to live – and I like, look at this list somewhat frequently, and I lament. I lament at how I have all of these responsibilities to other people, or, I guess sometimes you can call them “promises” or maybe even “paid commissions” and I think about how when they are finished, I will be free at last to live my life and gosh that’ll be the day, and then I go and take a nap or something. But not anymore! Not today!
Dirty Girl. (more…)
I am one of those people who likes to test the limits of their endurance. I call it “character building” but I am pretty sure it is just some sick form of self torture. One of the easiest ways to do this is to scramble around Netflix Instant Watch and find something that sounds perfectly horrible, and see if I can make it through to the end credits. That is how I ended watching Romeo & Juliet : Sealed with a Kiss, and how I decided to share it with all of you. 
When site-owner and slave-driver Jeremy informed me that I would be reviewing a movie for the site, I could find myself doing nothing but groaning and looking for my mightiest length of rope. I’m a movie-lover, but I just always find reviewing films to be difficult. The main reason I find it difficult is because I find that after a movie concludes, I just can’t really remember shit about it. Is this a statement on my gradually declining memory as I begin to near death? No. It’s a statement on just how goddamn bland and unmemorable most movies nowadays are. So for all I knew I had yet another B-grade shitfest to view. I’d watch it, maybe enjoy one or two scenes, and then sit down to write and instantly forget every bit of it. That’s not really the case this time though. Fortunately, Old Man Gregory introduced me to a real gem of a film. 
Excel Saga may well be the dumbest thing I have ever watched. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not exactly a bad thing. I mean, there’s stuff that’s “dumb” in the way that it actually makes you feel like you’re losing brain cells just from sitting in front of it. And then there’s the “dumb” that just makes you sit there slack-jawed through the entire thing, wondering just what the Hell you watched after it’s over. Excel Saga easily finds itself sitting in the latter group. I have never seen anything that elicits so many “What?”s, or “Why?”s from me in any given episode. It is truly, truly dumb. And maybe more than a bit mad.
Modern film-goers are often found to be of the opinion that black and white movies are “boring” for reasons that I cannot fathom. Perhaps they require color and bright flashing lights and cgi effects to keep their attention. Maybe they accidentally caught a drama from the 1940s when they were young children, at an age when ANY drama will seem dull and agonizingly slow. The people who feel this way, and there is an alarmingly large amount of them, can’t begin to imagine how boring and terrible silent films must be. No color AND no sound?? Actually, these people probably dismiss the idea of ever watching a silent movie so quickly that they don’t even form an actual opinion on the matter. If you are one of these people, then please read on. I hope to open your rapidly moving eyes and special little minds to a few gems. 
As a rule, Time Travel is a hard thing to write about. It’s sort of stupid that you’d ever go back in time to “fix” anything, because even the most minor of changes would blow your reality apart. Once you do the smallest deviation from what actually happened in the past, you would somehow write out your own existence because of a modified timeline that had been created by you going back to 1985 to get a McDLT while they were still around. 
