10th Nov2011

NOvember Returns: Holiday 2011 Edition

by Jeremy

Well holy Hell, it’s already November. This year has flown by. Seems like it was just a few months or so ago that I was rapidly sinking into depression at the thought of having to deal with the Holidays from last year, let alone this year. At any rate, let’s pop our heads into the OMGJ Funtasmic Labs, and see what’s cooking inside. Besides meth.

-So hey the site looks different! Or unless you’re blind, it feels different? The reason for this is twofold: I wanted to get back to a site where you could see as many articles as possible on a page. In case you haven’t noticed, this site is CHOCK FULL of so many random articles and reviews that it’s damn hard to just point people to the right place. This way, you may find new things to read that you never knew existed. It’s like a grab bag full of millipedes!

Second, next year will be the “official” ten year anniversary of this site. I say official because this site actually burst into existence around 2000 or so. But I don’t really consider those first couple of years to be “functional” as a website. Or really even readable for that matter. 2002 is about the time when Amanda, Billy, and the other folks signed on to make this place recognizable for what it is. So to sort of get ready for that, we’ve returned to the old honeybee style, along with a layout that sticks very close to what the site used to look like. Just without looking like someones first attempt at Hot Dog Editor Pro. So get hype for next year! We probably still won’t write much!

-Speaking of trying to categorize the site, Amanda has been hard at work on properly tagging every article ever, so that we can finally add subcategories to the different sections. We are aware that much of the stuff we write is so random that it sort of “fits” under a certain thing, but is so broad of a category that it probably needs it’s own spot. Like say, when people want to look at movie reviews, that probably doesn’t include hentai reviews. That’s a simple example, though. In the coming weeks you’ll start to see it all make sense. Or Amanda will go mad and vanish from the Internet for weeks again.

-In other writer news, Jeremy P. is close to suicide as work bears down on him harder than ever. He is also dealing with a close to term pregnant wife. We wish him the best of luck with his new kiddo, and hope he is able to get back to writing soon.

-We received an offer to review a newish horror movie called CHOP or something. The description made it sound like the movie is absolutely terrible in every way. And since Jeremy P. is out right now, it appears Billy will have to sit through it. Hopefully this will not be a precursor to another month of depression. Look for that in the coming weeks.

Besides all of that, we’ll be sort of around this month. It’s the start of the Holidays, and it’s always a bit hectic. Though I’m sure we’ll find time to get more than a few things up.

So Happy Holidays, folks. I guess it’s not too early to start getting depressed about next year as well. It’ll be here before you know it.

23rd Oct2011

Resisting the Haunt: Personal Anecdotes of FRIGHT

by STAFF

Jeremy P. Goes Ghost Hunting
starring Jeremy P

This past summer, I went to St. Augustine, Florida for a few days. Most of the time was spent eating my way through Florida, but one evening the people I was staying with wanted to go on a guided ghost tour of the St. Augustine Lighthouse – a place that is famously haunted, to the extent that Ghost Hunters went there and filmed a shadowy figure inside the lighthouse. I’m not normally really into this sort of thing, but I was on vacation and I was promised we would
get a few drinks afterwards. At the very least, it was something I could say I did on vacation that wasn’t illegal or “sitting inside playing my DS” for a change. (more…)

23rd Oct2011

Jeremy P: 13 Asylum Lane

by Jeremy P

This isn’t really a ghost story as it’s just sort of a series of stories about the house I currently live in, because something is sort of wrong about the house I currently live in.   Our house is old, like 90 years old, and it’s located down the street from a mental hospital. It used to be known as Asylum Lane, but it turns out people don’t want to build houses on streets with names like Asylum Lane, so they changed the name to something less likely to be found in a Goosebumps book, and then built a bunch of houses. (more…)

20th Oct2011

Boo to Love: My Halloween Hook-Up Failures

by Billy

I normally don’t do half bad with the ladies.  Being a man of modest looks, I’ve still been able to rake them in due to my massive amounts of personality and my ability to exploit any mental weaknesses they may possess.  Okay, so plowing some girl just because you were able to tap into her crippling self-doubt isn’t the healthiest way to go about things, but… any port in a storm.  There seems to be one time of year though, where even my strongest efforts fail.  A time where, no matter how hard I try, I end up spending the evening with some adult clips of girls being degraded and an eventual sore wrist.  Sadly enough, it is also my favorite time of year.

Goddamnit, I always strike out on Halloween. (more…)

09th Oct2011

Spend The Weekend With Billy: Ghost Car

by Billy

My apartment complex isn’t one of those fancy ones that has assigned parking spaces, but you know how it goes. Even though there aren’t any clear spots that belong to anyone, people sort of fall into routine and take the same spot over and over. I step outside and I know that my neighbor upstairs parks here, the folks across the way are there, and I have my own spot as well. I moved in around May, and have parked in the same spot every day since. I didn’t even think to myself, “What spot might I park in tonight?” I just knew where I was going to park and that was that. So you can imagine the pure shock that hit me when I pulled my car in one night only to see that my spot was OCCUPIED! I let out a cry, wondering what kind of person would do such a thing. Then I noticed, this was an unfamiliar vehicle. We didn’t have any new neighbors, and no one had spoke of buying a new car. This was a car whose origins were shrouded in mystery. Did it just appear out of thin air? I realized I had only been gone a few minutes, and in that time this car just magically appeared in MY spot. (more…)

02nd Oct2011

Dream Time Theatre: The Werewolf Dream

by Esther

I woke up to my alarm clock with mixed feelings this morning. For some reason I couldn’t pinpoint I felt like a total jerk even though I hadn’t done a single thing yet that day. Then my dream of the night before started to come back in bits and pieces while I was brushing my teeth. Amazing, horrible, and wonderful bits and pieces. This may be a testament to the fact I watch far too many horror movies but here, at least what I remember of it is what I will forever forward call “The Werewolf Dream”. (more…)

01st Oct2011

NEWS UPDATE: Haunted News from Terrorville

by STAFF

Well it is October here on OMGJ, and from what I hear, it is October in the rest of the free world, also.  You know what this means.  That’s right – an entire solid month of Halloween-themed content!  This year we are doing things a little differently, however.  We have so much old material that is good enough to look over again that we are recycling some every single day!  EVERY DAY!  That includes the weekends, kids.  Can you handle it?  Can WE handle it?? (more…)

01st Sep2011

NEWS UPDATE: Gentle Words from the Other Side

by Jeremy

So depression month is officially over. I am actively hoping a good chunk of our readers (and writers) have not sought the sweet escape because of it. It was a divisive thing to do, as me and Jeremy P. are not quite the depressive husks that Amanda and Billy are these days.  This is strange, I know. I guess it was done as an experiment to see if we could even accomplish it, and to show that a good majority of people that you consider “funny” are actually quite depressed for the most part. They use laughter as a means to escape from that wall of depression as much as they can. Thus “laugh to forget” has always been this site’s slogan and intention. Personally, I have never been in the business of wanting to depress an audience. But sometimes you’ve just got to put the shit up the ass to push forward. (more…)

30th Aug2011

You Can’t Always Be Strong: Remembering a Friend

by Billy

I don’t know what real purpose this article serves.  The subject of this story isn’t something I ever thought I would be typing up for the site.  Reason being that it is not funny.  It isn’t funny in the least.  But since we are going the whole “emotional, depressing” route this month, I feel that maybe this will be a chance for me to let out something serious.  Something that isn’t me being angry about some inane happening, or berating a group of people for whatever differences they may have from me.  A chance to really do something different. (more…)

26th Aug2011

The Trials Of Working For An Electronics Store or: The Quick Road To Drowning Yourself In A Sink

by Jeremy

A few weeks ago, I wrote a giant ass rant about some of the worst jobs I’ve ever had. Initially, it had one last job at the end that was pulled at the last minute. Mostly because the more I wrote about it, the more I realized how depressing it was. And since depression month was just around the corner, I figured it may well be better saved for when the mood was right. (more…)

26th Aug2011

Billy’s One Big Regret

by Billy

It really seems as though 9 times out of 10 if you ask someone if they have any regrets in life they will tell you that they in fact do not.  You get that a lot.  I guess I can kind of see not having any regrets if you subscribe to the whole “everything happens for a reason” theory.  If you think like that, then anything you did in the past (positive or negative) got you to where you are today.  So basically if you are happy with your life currently then there is no need in regretting anything because it was all part of the “journey.”

People use that word a lot, don’t they?  Journey. (more…)

25th Aug2011

Echo

by Alex

My baby brother lives in the tiny picture I keep on my desk. (more…)

02nd Aug2011

Emotions and Life Events Cause Mental Breakdowns and Ridiculous Drama: Evidence of Our Past

by Jeremy

I think I’ve almost decided that the various little shit that happens in everyone’s lives has to be the result of some sort of massive comedy program controlled by some higher source. At some points it almost seems a little *too* scripted. A script that is becoming so predictable and trite that it’s not even surprising it’s real life counterparts acting it out anymore, but it must make those higher beings shit themselves with laughter every time. It’s the only explanation I have. Also I’m apparently losing my mind. (more…)

01st Aug2011

NEWS UPDATE: Dark News from the Cutting Room

by STAFF

This month, we decided we would try a Theme.  Believe it or not, after ten years of aimlessly writing for this site, we lose motivation or lack inspiration.  So, we have decided to occasionally throw a theme into the mix.  We have been doing that annually for Halloween, but we wanted to try OTHER, non-spooky themes.  And so here we are presenting you with the OMGJ Suicide Watch Month. (more…)

06th Jun2011

Young Jeremy P and the Big Velvet Ant

by Jeremy P

While I’m inexplicably afraid of spiders, Amanda has asked us not to write about spiders since apparently everyone is horrified of spiders.    It would be the equivalent of writing “Why I Enjoy Eating.”  Instead I had to think back to the last time I was really actually afraid of a bug.  I had almost decided “screw Amanda… I’m writing about spiders,” but then a memory came back from my youth.    (more…)

02nd Jun2011

Years Shaved Off My Life: My Encounter with a Cave Cricket

by Billy

I wouldn’t go as far as to say I am “afraid” of bugs.  Honestly, I don’t possess a fear of them, and that isn’t coming from some macho part of me that wants to maintain dignity.  If I was worried about maintaining dignity, I wouldn’t be writing on this site.  I probably don’t even bring much to the table in regards to this article, because I only have one bug that I despise.  One bug, that while I do not feel fear toward, still manages to fill me with a great sense of unease and near nauseousness.  The Cave Cricket. (more…)

31st May2011

Consumed by Bees; Or, How to Get Out of Lawn Chores Forever

by Jeremy

So I can’t really say I’m the crazy bug freak that Amanda is. I mean, I don’t like spiders much.   But we generally have an understanding of if you don’t crawl on me, then I won’t scream like a girl and flail until something dies. And honestly, I’ve never had too many moments in my life where bugs were the cause of strife and terror. There was one time in Michigan where a slowly descending spider almost caused me to roll my car across seven lanes of traffic. But that was thankfully negated by what I only imagine to be the hand of God, as he must have heard me screaming “OH PLEASE GOD NO” at the top of my lungs over and over. (more…)

02nd May2011

NEWS UPDATE: News Straight Outta SHITVILLE

by STAFF

Hello, remaining readers!  Here we are again, doing updates at your favorite educational internet entertainment website.  Well, here we are RIGHT NOW doing them!  We wanted to let you know that we didn’t forget about you, and we didn’t just get way way lazy again and forget or not care to write because we were being disobedient to Kevin.  No, we have a much unlikelier excuse this time. (more…)

14th Mar2011

NEWS UPDATE: Heap Big News from Sexy Town – Notes on the New Regime

by STAFF

Many of you (three of you) may have noticed last week that there was a morning when this old site was down.  Surprise!  It was just our annual happening, an OMGJ Tradition, the one where Jeremy forgets to pay some domain bill or something!  Every year since the very beginning, he either forgets or cannot pay it.  The past has seen instances of Sad Charity Events on the Forum where everyone pitches in a few cents here and there and we manage to scrape together just enough to go on for another year.  Magically, we always forget by the following March. (more…)

29th Nov2010

News Update November 29th: Good Tidings and Half-Full Promises

by STAFF

Hello, delicious readers!  We come to you fatter, older, and less willing to entertain you as continually as we did in October, but more willing than we did throughout November, I guess.   (more…)

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