OMGJeremy

MOVIE REVIEW: Chop

When site-owner and slave-driver Jeremy informed me that I would be reviewing a movie for the site, I could find myself doing nothing but groaning and looking for my mightiest length of rope. I’m a movie-lover, but I just always find reviewing films to be difficult.  The main reason I find it difficult is because I find that after a movie concludes, I just can’t really remember shit about it.  Is this a statement on my gradually declining memory as I begin to near death?  No.  It’s a statement on just how goddamn bland and unmemorable most movies nowadays are.  So for all I knew I had yet another B-grade shitfest to view.  I’d watch it, maybe enjoy one or two scenes, and then sit down to write and instantly forget every bit of it.  That’s not really the case this time though.  Fortunately, Old Man Gregory introduced me to a real gem of a film.

What the Hell Is It?

“Chop” is one in an ever-growing number of films that attempts to blend together several different genres.  The thing is, it’s one of the few that actually succeeds at what it sets out to accomplish.  I will admit the groans came hot and heavy when I saw “Horror Comedy” on the front of the case, as honestly I think that is a combination that has cranked out some of the shittiest of the shit-films in recent years.  Begrudgingly I began to watch.  It wasn’t long into the film before I was pulled in, and by the end I had to admit that this was one of the finest blendings of horror / comedy I had ever witnessed.

What Fucking Happens In It?

The film starts off simply and generically enough with the “good guy” of the film, Lance, breaking down on a not-so-busy stretch of road.  Trust me when I say that the rest of the film gets a bit more original than this clichéd beginning.  It is within the first couple of minutes that Lance meets up with a stranger who offers him a ride in to town.  After a rather morbid question and answer session, Lance finds himself on the business end of a tranquilizer dart and then the movie really kicks off.  Now, I appreciate a horror film that has the red stuff a’flyin’ early, and this one does not disappoint.  After having to choose between murdering his half-brother, or listening as his wife is murdered by a friend of the stranger, Lance is planting an axe into his brother’s brain and we get our first idea of the gory, often funny, and all-around strange ride we are in for.

After committing this forced murder, Lance is told that his wife was never in any immediate danger.  As if his day wasn’t beginning to slide down the shit-rope enough, the Stranger informs him that his wife and brother had been sleeping together.  Something is said about a wad being shot down her throat, and that is the kind of talk you don’t hear enough of.  We need the word “wad” used more.  I nearly had to pause the film and allow myself a while to nod my head in approval.  Lance is then instructed to go home and live his life with his whore of a wife, never mentioning anything about the affair… or else the Stranger would make sure the evidence of his gruesome deed would be discovered.

Lance fucks it up.  A couple of weeks pass and he is heavily hinting at what occurred between his wife and brother.  You know, the whole her getting a wad shot down her throat thing?  It is absolutely eating away at him, and he is starting to slip up.  As promised, the Stranger informs Lance that the deal is off.  It is then no coincidence that the police are now breathing down Lance’s neck, his wife (who is extremely hot and the studio should put me in contact with) is confused as fuck, and the Stranger is becoming more and more threatening.

Now I’m not going to spoil any of the big key parts of the story.  Who dies, who lives, and other little bits here and there.  Along the way, Lance finds that he begins to lose body parts.  First a finger, then a few more, and eventually some much more substantial pieces.  The Stranger insists that this will continue until Lance remembers what he did to him and apologizes for it.  Trouble is, Lance is running out of pieces and still has absolutely no clue who this person is.

Lance eventually makes his way back to the Stranger’s lair.  I find that this is when the movie really comes into its own.  The interaction between Lance and the Stranger is nothing short of some of the best serious yet humorous interaction you’ll find.  The two leads in this film have a real knack for delivering heavy lines of dialogue in a way that still passes off as funny, and I highly appreciate that.  Lance’s performance might at times be a little over the top, but you’ll never find yourself squinting your eyes heavily in anger or digging your nails into the couch out of annoyance.

Alright, back to the story.  It is during the time at the Stranger’s lair that we start to learn a little more about Lance.  We learn that the “good guy” of our film isn’t such a good guy, and has a seedy past in which he did a lot of bad things.  We’re talking some major crimes that went unpunished.  I think we can all relate to that.  Who hasn’t killed a hooker or two?   It is through this that the Stranger decides to introduce Lance to some rather odd customers.  Without saying too much, my personal favorite character is an over-sexed, heavily bearded man dressed as a biker who has an obsession with Conrad Bain of Diff’rent Strokes fame.  I could watch that man gyrate and threaten bizarre sexual assault all day.  Probably the all-around best performance since Ass-To-Ass Guy from Requiem for a Dream.

The weirdos continue to roll out, Lance continues losing body parts, and the Stranger becomes increasingly more and more dejected with Lance’s inability to remember him.  You’ll get some actual powerful scenes toward the end of the film with a lot more depth than you expect from this sort of film.  Beyond all the gore, violence, profanity, and often-crazy acting, you’ll find that this is a story with some deeper themes.  It is at heart a story about remembering those we have wronged, a story about apologizing for our misdeeds, and a story about forgiveness.  Or maybe it isn’t… I was drunk halfway through.

For those of you who enjoy that whole closure thing in your movies, do not fear.  Within the last few minutes everything is revealed, and… I don’t say this often about twists… I really didn’t see this one coming.  You’ll either think it was stupid as shit or brilliant as fuck. I liked it well enough.

Why Should I Watch This Shit?

I don’t know your personal preference.  I like our readers and all, but I just haven’t had time to learn your personal tastes.  Maybe I’ll get that kind of time one day.  But until then, I can only say I personally recommend it.  If you like any of the following, you’ll enjoy this film:

• Blood
• Excessive Gore
• Cursing
• Talk of wads being shot down throats
• A nice looking girl
• Horror
• Comedy
• Horror / Comedy
• An eccentric biker character who may or may not be a bear (we need confirmation)
• America

On the disc are also a few little extras.  You’ll get some extended / deleted scenes.  This is what you can expect from such scenes: nothing really substantial to the story yet interesting to watch at least once.  You also get a gag reel, which really goes to show how much fun was had during the making of this film.  That might just be one of the things I enjoyed the most about this movie.  You could tell everyone involved was having a good time.  That it was a labor of love and a project that the people involved believed in.  That kinda shit shows, really.

You could do a lot worse with your DVD rental / purchase, and I really do think that in the realm of B-grade horror / comedy films, this one shines pretty goddamn bright.  Give it a shot.  If you like it, remember that you heard about it here!  If you hate it, fuck off and get some taste in movies.

There’s a lot of blood, one super cute girl, and enough plot to keep you glued.  In my book that ain’t half bad.  You’ll laugh, you probably won’t cry, and if you are into bears you can catch a pretty big stroke.