OMGJeremy

Netflix Instant Queue Fridays: Nosferatu

One of the most commonly viewed horror films belonging to the silent film era, Nosferatu is, without a doubt, a creepy-assed German film.  We have all at least seen footage of it, have seen still images of that awful Count Orlok lurching around all wide-eyed and gangly and long-horrible-fingered.  Dreadful.  But what of the film itself?  Well, for those of you not in the know, I’ll tell you.

First of all, is it Scary?  I hear you wondering that.  And I have to say that it really isn’t all that bad by modern standards.  There is indeed a worrying quality that accompanies watching film that is so old, and the monster IS nightmarish in most respects.  But it is rather slow-paced and of course never gory or anything.  It is basically based on Bram Stoker’s story of Dracula, totally unauthorized with the names changed and some plot details altered just a bit.  Actually, I think I read that Bram Stoker’s widow sued them to pieces and it was ordered that all copies of Nosferatu be burned.  Obviously, that didn’t happen, and I guess Netflix is allowing us to view contraband.

Speaking of Netflix, you may notice that they have TWO versions available on Instant Watch – the Original Version and the Gothic Industrial Mix.  I decided to watch the Gothic Industrial Mix because I had never seen it before.  I put on my black lipstick and got out my cutting razor, expecting to hear, you know, Goth Music or Industrial Music while visions of long-dead horrors danced in my eyes and mind.  But as I sat in the mausoleum I rented for the occasion, I sat disappointed.  The music was boring, lame, and in a lot of ways totally inappropriate and misleading.  Gross.  At least it gave me more inspiration to whine, mope, and express my dark thoughts in the form of poetry.

From what I understand, there are SEVERAL versions of Nosferatu floating around out there, all with different, totally crappy, soundtracks.  I have heard tell of one version, one I have never seen, that actually has the original score played on an organ, which is probably the closest we will get to an appropriate musical accompaniment until Trent Reznor can get off his high horse and create a GOOD soundtrack for this film.  That is not something I will ever bother wishing for, of course, unless I can get a proper time machine and find Mr Reznor during that brief time in our lives when he was brooding and sullen without being TOO ridiculous about it.  Well, without being unbearably annoying?  Well.. Okay if not Trent Reznor, then who should it be, smartypants??

At first I thought he was over-acting, but then I put myself in his situation and realized that this man was acting exactly right.

After being disappointed by that version tailor-made for the Hot Topic kids, I decided to glance at the original version, which I had seen before, but I was curious as to how its soundtrack sounded and if there were any differences.  Cats and kittens, it is like TWENTY MINUTES LONGER, and also the dialogue and narration cards are all different!  Imagine my shock and confusion.  Also imagine my angst.  My angst was deep and ravens flew around my head.  So I watched the Original Version as well.  I watched Nosferatu twice in the same night.  I couldn’t really tell you how the Goth Mix was able to cut out twenty minutes in a way that I was unable to detect, so I will attribute it to black magic.

So which version do I recommend you watch?  Why, the original of course.  The music is pretty awful, but at least it doesn’t tempt you into thinking you are going to hear tunes by Type O Negative and Dead Can Dance.  … Although actually maybe it WAS Dead Can Dance music as I just decided to look them up to make sure I was in fact referencing the correct band.  In which case I can say that I really don’t like their awful ethereal music and I’m not much of a goth after all.  God.  I’ve caused my black heart to suffer even MORE anguish by this realization.  When will it ever end??

Vampires: the Sexiest Undead. Apparently.

Nosferatu is actually a cinematic masterpiece, worthy of being watched, enjoyed, studied.  It is spooky and weird in its 1922 German way.  Apparently it was BANNED IN SWEDEN for “excessive horror,” so I mean I think that alone makes it worth watching.  It is a good story of course, and this is actually the source for the part of the vampire legend that says that they die in sunlight.  Before that, I guess vampires were all right by the light of day.  At least, this is what I’ve read.  I fail in my gothery by also not knowing everything about those vampire folk.  Sigh.