So if you looked at my recently watched section on Netflix, you’d probably think I was some completely out of touch child. It’s like a never-ending list of bad 80’s cartoons, old Nickelodeon shows, and then completely random shit, like Hoarders and softcore porn. Every time my girlfriend is around, and we load up my Netflix, it is like some sort of personal embarrassment for her. If guests are around, you can bet her Netflix is the one being loaded up to avoid awkward silences, or people just outright leaving in sheer disgust. Mine is mostly saved for drunken nights of screaming at the TV thinking it has come to life, or the occasional hankering to watch Ren and Stimpy (this is often, btw). But we are not here to talk about how sad my viewing habits are. Today we’ll just look at ONE of the many bad things littering my Netflix Queue, which is the complete He-Man series.
When I was a kid, I LOVED He-Man. Making it home every day to watch the latest He-Man episode was more like a man rushing his wife in the hospital that had just been shot in the face and was bleeding to death. I had enough He-Man toys to put on elaborate Hollywood productions, which I did on a regular basis. It was a big part of my childhood, and I damn near pooped in my pocket when the complete series of He-Man appeared on Netflix not too long ago. Just think! The ability to watch EVERY SINGLE EPISODE EVER! I hadn’t bothered watching it since I was a kid, either. So this was gonna be a Hell of a treat!
Oh wait. This show aged about as well as a long dead corpse. While it still holds a good amount of sentimental value for me, I couldn’t even make my way through one single episode. Everything from the animation and voicework, to the plots that seemingly used vague pantomimes to communicate them to the writers. It’s all bad. It kind of makes me sad that my younger self was so enraptured in something so stupid. But then I think about all the kids that sat and watched Beyblade with open arms, and I suddenly don’t feel so bad anymore.
I’m not really suggesting you go watch this at all. But if you’re interested in maybe getting a taste in just what the “pinnacle” of bad 80’s kids cartoons is, then you really can’t do much better than He Man. Now if you’ll excuse me, these episodes of Hey Arnold aren’t going to watch themselves.
Jeremy is a quiet, steadily mortified man hailing from Indianapolis.
Contact him this way: email@example.com (hint: it’s email)