I’m sure we all know Furcadia by now. The furry game that pretty much started the whole craze of being one with your pixellated furry cat-thing with wings. It’s a way of life now. It’s also become possibly the home of the largest amount of horrific sexual activity of all time in one place. Interactive porn pay sites can only dream of having as many HARDCORE ENEMA SCHOOLGIRL ANAL DOMINATION rooms as Furcadia.
So in I guess some sort of rebellion of sexual angst and the need to make a game even more boring than Furcadia, a few developers have produced the Endless Forest. The Endless Forest is just that: An endless forest. Full of endlessness, I imagine. You also play as a weird looking deer thing with a face. It looks like one of those things that if you dreamed about something like that, you’d spend the entire next day wondering what the fuck is wrong with you and possibly seek some sort of psychiatric evaluation. Here’s a horrifying video:
I refuse to ever reproduce now. Here is the developer’s official description:
“You are a stag, a male deer. So are the other players. You meet each other in an endless forest on the internet. The setting is idyllic, the atmosphere peaceful. You communicate with one another through sounds and body language”
There’s about forty words in the above paragraph that sound incredibly boring, see if you can spot one. While I’m aware that my idea of excitement may be different from what other people may want, it’s really hard for me to imagine that the furry world is so hard-up for places for them to be a damn space deer that they’d flock to this. I do realize that some people enjoy the whole role playing aspect of things, where you’re just given a playground of sorts to act out your best fifth grade imaginary adventures, but Jesus, people. Just go to the park or something.
There are other things to do in the Endless Forest besides communicating with sounds and body language, communing with fake nature, and looking like the freakish offspring of some human-deer experiment. Lets take a look at some of the other exciting things you can do to enhance your time while in the ENDLESS FOREST:
- Lie down!
- Stand up!
- Rub a motherfucking tree!
That sounds goddamn amazing. I can only imagine the day when someone decides to do all four of those things in one sitting. I imagine the player being instantly banned forever from the ruckus they have caused. Other players would cancel their accounts from the brush of excitement they almost felt from it. Besides these amazing things you have a mysterious ruin you can hop and rub around in as well. Apparently it’s mysterious because no one can figure out what the fuck they’re supposed to do with it. Of course there IS nothing you can do with it but that’s okay because you’re supposed to IMAGINE it has cool shit in it. Then you can rub it or something, I don’t know. Oh yeah, you can also dance I guess. Watch below as your nightmares come to life before your bloodshot eyes:
I would suggest that you all go play the Endless Forest if you haven’t heard of it already. I’m pretty behind on the Internet curve these days anyway, but this damn shit makes me wonder exactly what your standards for electronic entertainment have to be for you to enjoy such a thing. I mean, even Horseland let you have imaginary horse races and beauty pageants. That was pretty exciting. The Endless Forest is not exciting.
No matter how many times I rub a goddamn tree.
Jeremy is a quiet, steadily mortified man hailing from Indianapolis.
Contact him this way: email@example.com (hint: it’s email)