OMGJeremy

Humpday Gaming: Super Meatboy MAN Challenge

Oh Super Meatboy. You have done to me what no other game has done in nearly a decade. I play you almost every day in an attempt to maybe, just maybe, get past the one stage I’ve been stuck on for days. I lay awake at night thinking of different strategies/characters that I could use to A+ the last few stages in a world. I also curse like a sailor that has been on a three day bender because of missed jumps, running off platforms, or being killed by a disc coming right at my face. This is what playing Super Meatboy will do to you. You think it sounds like a bad thing? Oh friend, no. It’s not a bad thing at all. In fact, playing this game for the last week or so has made me feel the joy of what it’s like to play a game that beats you down every second you play it, but still so damn fun that you have to try just one more time. And then another time. And another. And another. Welcome to Super Meatboy.

What is Super Meatboy? It is essentially a ton of short stages, all designed to be nothing more than absolutely infuriating obstacle courses. Your goal is to simply make it to the end, save your pink meatgirl, and then off to the next stage. Most stages take no longer than thirty seconds, but they’re all filled with enough buzzsaws, missiles, bottomless pits, and every other manner of curse word-inducing obstacles you can think of. You’d think that would get damn old after a few stages, but because the short length (and sheer variety) of each stage, nothing ever feels completely impossible or overbearing, which goes a long way in the whole “Just one (expletive) more (expletive) (expletive) time!” mindset. I’ll offer up the 150 times or so it took me to beat the next to last stage as proof of that. Multiply that number by fifty or so to gauge the amount of times I yelled “FUCK YOUR MOM” at my cat while I was doing so.

Anyway, the point of today’s article is to simply give you three different perspectives from me, Jeremy P, and Billy detailing our time spent with Super Meatboy. Mainly how far we got, how we did it, what we think of the game in general, and generally why we’re so happy to let Super Meatboy abuse the shit out of us for 10+ hours. It’s also an excuse for all of us to make a lazy collaborative article, so it’s a win-win situation for all involved. Hooray!

How Super Meatboy Taught Me To Love Again – Jeremy

I’m old. I work a full time job. Free time to me is the time of the day I need to look for the source of the rancid smell in the kitchen. So no, I really don’t have much time to spend with games these days. And when I do, I’m not so much expecting it to challenge me. Mostly because I simply don’t want to use my rare free time to curse at the TV and hate myself. I didn’t used to be like this of course. There used to be a time in my life where I could joyfully spend eight straight hours memorizing enemy patterns in Mega Man, or perfecting stages in Contra. Those days have long since passed, and I figured no game in the foreseeable future would ever really make me feel challenged without making me want to instantly quit.

And then came Super Meatboy.

When I first saw it, I immediately lumped it together with the many other “torture” style games that exist on the web. I’m sure you’ve played a few. Most simply exist to make players learn new and increasingly unstable sounding ways to string curse words together while never being able to get further than two stages. My only real experience with one of these games would be N+, a game that I hated with red hot passion. While everyone else rubbed their dicks all over their controllers in delight playing through the ten levels they’ll ever be able to beat in N+, I had zero fun at all with its terrible, floaty physics that seemed to control the game far more than I ever did. Now I’m not doubting that a lot of people had fun with N+. I’m sure in their crazy heads, they were genuinely experiencing something that they felt was fun. Me however? I’ve had more fun having a cavity removed. And it’s less painful.

So here comes this Super Meatboy. From the many previews, I already know the game is hard as shit. So really the only reason I initially downloaded the demo was to see its clever homages to 8-bit games, which I always enjoy. I have to admit, the first few stages just confirmed what I had thought before, EG: floaty ass controls, obstacles everywhere, death as common as breathing, etc. But then something hit me. A marketing team somewhere would call it an “AH HA!” moment. Suddenly, I got it. I understood what this game was doing, and I was genuinely having fun with it. A few levels in, and the run button was being held down constantly. A few more levels, and I was mastering the crazy wall jumps. Not long after that, I was through stages like they were nothing. Now make no mistake about it, I was dying like a motherfucker the whole time. But the difference between this and N+ was that with this game I really felt like I was learning and getting better while dying and cursing in fantastic fashion. Just like those old 8-bit games, I was mastering something. Not letting the game play itself out in front of me. I was also having a Hell of a lot of fun doing so.

A week later, I was on the last boss, making my way through its course for about the fiftieth or so time. A few more tries later, I beat that fucker. What came with it was a satisfaction that I really hadn’t felt since the 8-bit days. A feeling like I had done the impossible. I just beat a game that threw every damn saw blade, ass monster, bottomless pit, missile, turd monster, giant worm, and spike it could muster, and I beat it. It’s a damn great feeling. Something I may have to try again in the future.

And you should too.

Buy Super Meatboy.

Final Stats:

• Game Beaten? Yes
• Dark World Beaten? Hell no
• Number Of Stages Completed? 158
• Bandages Gotten? 21
• Number Of Times Cat’s Life Was Threatened? 98

I Can’t Believe I Said “Fuck” That Many Times – Billy

I had absolutely no idea what this game was when it was released on XBLA. It was only after Jeremy messaged me on AIM with taunts and dares to play Super Meatboy that I picked up the demo. I was told horror stories of difficulty the likes of which I had never encountered. While my brain told me to just ignore Jeremy and press on playing games that didn’t cause me to have an aneurysm, I still found myself downloading the demo. That demo pretty much told the tale. This was one of those games that prides itself on being a real son of a bitch.

I’m kind of on the fence when it comes to games that offer insane challenge and difficulty. A lot of people are quick to say that they offer “old school” challenge like the platformers we grew up playing. Bullshit. I played games in the 80s / 90′s and I can tell you that they were not THIS difficult. So when a game comes along that tries to pound in your head that it’s all about being just like the games of old… I’ll pass. Super Meatboy doesn’t do that though. While it has more than a few references to games of the past, this thing is its own horrible monster. I finished the demo and I felt something that you don’t often feel with games, the feeling of accomplishment. These levels aren’t handed to you. You have to work your ass off to knock out an SMB level. So when talk of this challenge came about, I figured I might as well jump in.

I tried a different approach from the other two fellas. I would NOT progress to the next level until I had achieved an A+ (which you earn by completing a level in a certain amount of time), entered any visible warp-zones, and collected any visible band-aids. I knew this meant that the two Jeremys would probably be discussing the ending of the game with one another while I was still on the first world, but I was either too proud or too goddamn stubborn (I’m thinking the latter) to change my ways. It didn’t seem so hard at first. I was getting through levels with a few deaths here, and a few deaths there. A level might hang me up for a few minutes, but there was nothing I considered impossible in the early going.

Then Jeremy informed me of the Dark World section of the game. When you beat a regular level, you gain access to the “Dark” version of that level. In other words, the normal level just rubs a penis around your ass, but the Dark level shoves the whole thing in… DRY!

Soon my enthusiasm had turned to a mix of anger and depression. My belief had turned to disbelief. The main function of breath in my body was not to fill my lungs, but instead to help me propel the words “fuck” and “shit” out at a rapid rate. Fists were slammed into tables, empty pop bottles were thrown, and at one point in time a scared cat was asked, “What the hell do they want from me?”

I do have to say that this game really whips your ass into shape. You’ll be putting your fingers to the heaviest use they’ve likely gotten since high school. The thumb I use to hold down the “run” button literally ached the day after I first played. But with that great challenge comes a strong sense of reward you aren’t likely to experience in another game made in the last number of years.

Playing this game is like becoming that trailer-trash woman you see on the talk shows. Your husband treats you like shit, beats the hell out of you, and maybe chases you with saw-blades… but you still love him. You still come back to him every time. This game has tortured me and caused me more mental anguish than any game in recent memory, but I can not get enough. Even with this challenge over I will continue to play until I have this thing finished.

Oh yeah, I probably would have gotten a lot farther if this didn’t come out around the same time as New Vegas.

• Total deaths: 1,366
• Total Progress: 40%
• Light World: 53%
• Dark World: 45%
• Band-Aids Collected: 26
• World Reached: 4
• Game Beaten: Fuck you.

Thank you sir, may I have another! – Jeremy P.

I live for games like this. Sure, I could have bought Fallout New Vegas like the other two guys (and I probably should have), but instead I spent the last two weeks since Super Meat Boy showed up playing this game any time I had a few minutes to spare. At first, it seems easy. Hell, I don’t think it’s even possible to die on the first few levels. Then, just as you’re getting comfortable with the difficulty, a new level of ridiculousness shows up to make sure you know that your gaming skill is still severely lacking.

And you will die. A lot. Over and over and over. And you’ll get so pissed off at a level that you will try and find new and more horrible ways to die. There will be much yelling and screaming and gnashing of teeth, and eventually, maybe 100 lives later, you will manage to beat the screen you’ve been staring at for the last few hours. Your reward? Another level of pain and agony– and a little bit of skill. Aside from falling to your death, you’ll get to dodge saw blades, lava flows, salt (which instantly kills you), get lifted and pushed around by giant fans, hover on weird forcefields, and dodge missiles, flying monsters that want to eat you– all just to save your girlfriend. And once you do that, you can try and do that level in a certain time limit to earn a “dark” version of that same level that basically adds extra layers of death to the experience.

My direction in this game was sort of a combination of Jeremy’s and Billy’s methods. I would clear a world, and then go back and get A+ on each of the levels. Then I’d start the dark version of the same world. This worked for the first two worlds. After that, I just started playing through the main (light side) levels of each world just to see how much harder this game gets. I managed to beat the last boss soundly, and have been going back to the levels I didn’t get an A+ on and collecting bandages. At this point, I have cleared the first 4 light-side worlds with A+ on every level. I’ve completed the dark side world 1-2 with A+ on every level. I’ve at least beaten dark worlds 3 and 4, although some of their A+ rankings are just out of my grasp.

It’s games like Super Meat Boy that end up being part of some sadistic Gamers Training Camp. I remember when I finally got all the star coins on Super Mario Bros Wii. I thought at the time that it was really hard and would be my gaming achievement of the year. Then, I made myself play Mega Man 9– a game I could formerly not even finish a level in– and after some painful practice got good enough at it to beat it. I thought that would be the hardest game I’d play this year… but no, Super Meat Boy has taken that title. I’m going to keep plugging away at it, eventually I will have all the bandages and have A+’d all the levels. Then I’ll have to find something else impossible to play, maybe I’ll go back to N+ or maybe I should just bite the bullet and start playing Battletoads on the NES. If I beat that, surely I’d be the crowned champion of gaming. Or something.

I’m sure that everyone within a 5 mile radius is tired of hearing my screams of agony, and are probably also sick of hearing my triumphant cry of “FUCK YOU, RED CUBE!” that gets shouted out at this point maybe once an hour– because that’s about how long it takes me to clear any of the levels I have left. But it’s been worth it, and thanks to my refusal to just give up– I am the winner of the OMGJeremy Super Meatboy MAN Challenge — beating 200 levels to Jeremy’s 158 and Billy’s 131. I’m pretty sure that somehow this means I’ve really just ended up proving what a loser I really am.

• Total Deaths: 4,879
• Total Progress: 61%
• Light World: 89%
• Dark World: 55%
• Stages Beaten: 200
• Band-Aids Collected: 41
• Light World Beaten? Yes
• Dark World Beaten? Not yet. But someday soon…