OMGJeremy

Netflix Instant Queue Fridays: Garbage Pail Kids

Amazingly enough, I had not seen this movie up until a couple of weeks ago. I was a huge fan of the GPK cards as a kid, and I remember being severely disappointed that I was never taken to see the movie when it came out. This was mostly because I was the only person in the family that wanted to see the GPK movie. Years later, I can now see that they were just trying to protect me from my terrible, terrible movie viewing decisions. They probably realized this when I damn near threw a fit to see Mac and Me. They caved in that time, but thankfully they kept me from hurting myself any further with this horrible fever dream of a movie.

First off, this is barely a kids’ movie. It’s like some awful made for TV after school teen drama that just also happens to have Garbage Pail Kids scenes in them. Hell, the two storylines don’t even connect until 3/4 of the way through. What you’re left with until then is a mishmash of inconceivably bad scenes that barely make sense at best. At one point mid-way through, the Garbage Pail Kids have a night out on the town in a seedy bar and a movie theater. This whole scene lasts a total of five minutes, but is so ridiculously terrible that I could barely sit through it. Thankfully there is enough terrible 80′s pop culture/style in there to keep you mildly amused between everything else.

As bad as it is though, I found myself compelled to sit through to the end. I can’t honestly say why. It has a strange car crash-like quality throughout. And just when you think the previous scene cannot be topped in sheer ridiculousness, the very next scene will make it look tame in comparison, culminating in a strangely disturbing climactic fashion show scene that I will never be able to forget. Jesus Christ, how I wish I could forget it. I cannot.

Garbage Pail Kids Movie Drinking Game: Any time the Garbage Pail Kids fart or piss themselves, take a shot.  Be sure to put the ambulance on speed dial.