submitted by Melissa
A fondness or craving for sweets is the definition of “sweet tooth,” according to the internet, with help from Google.
Many times in my young life, I have heard people excuse their penchant for sugary treats by referring to the fact that they possess such a “tooth.” I have news for everyone. It’s not a good excuse. (more…)
Let’s Get Some Things Straight:
Okay. It’s like this: Jeremy has this website, right. This one that you are reading right now, in fact. In case you didn’t know or were unaware. Some other synonyms, too. For some reason, Jeremy really seems to have this funny sense of “Responsibility” (read as “self-punishment gluttony”) and likes to put new articles up in this shit… roughly every week.
Now, Jeremy may be some sort of sick masochist, but he’s not 100% retarded. He knew that if he took some time out of his busy week to write four articles, if he spaced his time wisely and scheduled Writing Time in between the blocks of Hectic and Hellish Work Time and Time Spent Complaining Bitterly, he would actually get incredibly burned out on this site. He would become even more haggard, psychotic, and at the end of his rope than he is now. Imagine that! I will give you all time to stop trembling in fear now as I break for the next paragraph. (more…)
I missed mentioning it a couple of weeks ago, but the Playstation just recently had its 15th anniversary. Now besides making me feel old as shit, it has made me feel pretty damn nostalgic for what I consider the last great gaming-only home console. The sheer amount of games that changed genres forever that came out on the PSX is almost mind-blowing when you sit back and think about it. Most of them having concepts, graphics, and gameplay that no one had ever seen before, but has since laid the blueprint for almost all modern games. Metal Gear Solid, Twisted Metal, Gran Turismo, and yes, even… Toshinden. (more…)
(It should be noted that this review is about the current version of MAG. A massive patch will be coming out in late September / October that seems like it will be changing the entire experience in a major way. A followup piece will be written on it in the future). (more…)
submitted by: gideon
The OMGJeremy article archive has almost every kind of article about almost everything there is to discuss, or learn about. Sex, dating, politics, Jeremy, and porn. So as I sat down to write this article, I had to ask myself. What is left? The answer was obvious. It’s the question on everyone’s mind.
“How can I have consensual sex with a sea mammal?”
At last, the most important question ever asked will be answered. Today we will explore the wonderful and rewarding world of consensual dolphin sex. (more…)
Hello, fancy readers! Welcome to another addition of OMGJ News Update! You might have noticed that we did five day week updates for a bit, then failed utterly once or twice. It is to be expected, and I am sure none of you are surprised. However! This week will be a five day update plan, and then the ENTIRE MONTH of October will be just as packed. God, so packed. But this update isn’t going to just be about October, we intend to let you know a little about our personal lives as well, if only for a second, because I think it will go a long way towards letting you understand what is going on here. (more…)
I found this conversation to be wearying and troublesome, but I am hoping that someone out there besides Patrick thinks that this is hilarious. I tried hard to remain not-defeated feeling, but I am only human. Also I wanted to draw this as Evidence. (more…)
The worst part being an adult is having to interact with the magnificent array of truly disturbing people that crawl out from god knows where to stand next to you and breathe in your general direction, or shoot spittle from their crusty lips while asking you inane rhetorical questions about the weather. I am pretty sure you are all too aware of the types of people I am talking about. The ones that sit way too close, the kind who talk to themselves behind you in line for the grocery, or perhaps even the kind that go full retard and threaten to OMG CUT YOU THEY ARE NOT LYING THEY WILL with their car keys if you do not immediately get out of their way so they can buy their precious princess that bend-n-flex Barbie doll that you happen to be blocking with your cart. (more…)
“The funniest movie about dating a bulimic… possibly ever.”
With a tag-line like that you know you are on to a winner. This is a little gem that actually serves a greater purpose. It is one of the few things that fat women and skinny women can come together over and throw a mutual shit-fit.
This film follows Ken (one of the best sleazy characters in recent memory), a womanizer who pretty much exists for one night stands and picking up women. When his friends accuse him of only picking up fat chicks, he takes it hard… as we all would. So he does the only logical thing, and proceeds to pursue a bulimic rail-thin girl. (more…)
Long, long ago, around the mid-eighties, video games were booming thanks to Atari and a couple of other systems like Colecovision and such. People were swarming stores by the thousands just to get their greedy hands on a shitty copy of Pac Man for Atari. Kids in school would get into savage fights arguing who could score more points in Donkey Kong, and brains were flowing freely out of the damned while thousands feasted on the organs of the heathens. Well, maybe the oozing brains thing didn’t happen, but the point is, video games were hot, and if you didn’t have one (like me) you were the socially ostracized bastard that no one cared about and threw milk cartons/pencils/heavy lawn equipment/etc at. (more…)
We’ve all been there. You’re half-way through some class, about to enter a comatose state. Meanwhile, the big chunk of styrofoam you call a “professor” is chattering away endlessly at the front of the room. You’d rather get a rectal exam than sit there for one more minute. Situations like these usually result in murder-suicides… and occasionally rectal exams. In an effort to reduce such unpleasantries, I’ve compiled a list of activities to occupy your bleak minds while you sit through such classes as “Advanced Economics,” “Integral Calculus,” and “Busy Yourself By Trying To Catch Your Farts In Your Hand While The Professor Shows Up Half An Hour Late.” (more…)
This comic features Chris, the Canadian whose contributions you can occasionally read on this very site! He used to be called X-1 I guess. Anyway, I hardly know him at all because he is a mystery, but I assume he dresses like some sort of scientist and detests germs. That is why he is dressed that way, you see. I think it is a safe bet. (more…)
Amazingly enough, I had not seen this movie up until a couple of weeks ago. I was a huge fan of the GPK cards as a kid, and I remember being severely disappointed that I was never taken to see the movie when it came out. This was mostly because I was the only person in the family that wanted to see the GPK movie. Years later, I can now see that they were just trying to protect me from my terrible, terrible movie viewing decisions. They probably realized this when I damn near threw a fit to see Mac and Me. They caved in that time, but thankfully they kept me from hurting myself any further with this horrible fever dream of a movie. (more…)
We have all had our favorite food or drink items before. Something that, for whatever reason, you really take to and thoroughly enjoy above the sea of fairly similar products. As a child, you can probably recall your favorite candy. I’m sure most of you played it safe and fell in love with a candy that was a major household name, and one that you would never have to worry about not being there. Instead of going out there and taking chances, you took the easy way out. Does it make you proud? Probably not. But at least you haven’t had to deal with heartbreak due to your risk-taking. No, I am not crazy by talking about attaching yourself to a certain kind of candy and comparing it to falling in love. I HAVE loved and lost in the candy world, so I know what I am talking about. (more…)
So the first part of this video is throwaway promo shit that you can find in just about any promo video. It’s the second half when this Wrestlemania Arcade game promo goes the extra mile, and bring The Hitman Bret Hart in to show you how truly great video games are made. Yes, it’s corny as hell, but I totally miss stupid shit like this. Both in wrestling and games. (more…)
Submitted by: Mike
I have been a huge fan of the Harvest Moon since it came out on Super Nintendo about what seems like several decades ago now. For those of you who do not know what a Super Nintendo is, then I suggest you get drunk, open up your computer case, and start chewing on various wires. If you are lucky, you could be zapped with information about what a Super NES is, and save me the time of having to actually explain what one is. Or you could die a horrible death by electrocution, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Either way, that’s one less email I have to answer about Nintendo.
Hey guys this one’s extremely pleasant. This was a nice conversation totally devoid of snark, sarcasm, negativity, or any of that fun stuff – and yet it was good! Outstanding. (more…)
2010 Update: This article was composed by Fly and me back in the heady days of 2006, when being offensive ruled the day and if people stumbled onto OMGJ from searching related things and thought we were being serious because they had no idea that this is a so-called Humor Site, well it wasn’t OUR fault. We are older now, and I remember all of the HATE MAIL this generated, lordy be. Seems that these European-Pride people are awfully sensitive and cannot stand to think that someone is speaking ill of them. Although it is amusing to note that the Italians said, “Everything you said about Italians was WRONG. However you definitely have those disgusting Irish pegged!” And the Irish who contacted me informed me that I was a liar and very bigoted about the Irish, but they made sure to mention that they laughed about what was said about Italians. We were called racists, lovers of the KKK, staunch right wing Republicans, and other incorrect and disturbing things. When they found out that my three biggest nationalities that I consist of are Italian, Irish, and German, they would tell me that I was a SHAME to the [whichever] people. Fly is like Polish or something and no one cares about the Polish; there is no Pride to rile up and storm to defend. Mark this down as the only time I have been a bit jealous of Fly. (more…)
It doesn’t matter how sleepy I happen to be, I still apparently take any opportunity I can get to mock a friend. I sure am one uppity broad most of the time, I guess! (more…)
I have to say that on the whole my childhood was a fairly happy one and pretty uneventful. I never experienced any true traumas or moments of great sadness, and I stayed knee deep in all of the latest toys and video-games. For the most part I CAN NOT complain. However, there were a few times in those younger years where I experienced a feeling that was not that of happiness. It was not a joyous feeling at all, nor was it one of sadness. It seems that no matter what, I could not avoid events in my life that caused me a great childhood RAGE. Sometimes it was something so minor others would completely overlook it, and sometimes… well most of the time it was always something minor that sent me to throwing juice boxes and ripping Fruit Roll-Ups in half as if they were a phone book. (more…)
Every once and a while someone at OMGJeremy gets a bug up their ass and decides that we should start a secondary specialized website, or put out a physical book, or make a movie, or some other thing that isn’t “occasionally write something amusing about pop-culture.” These ideas are fine, but as all of us writers at OMGJeremy don’t get to benefit from the ludicrous OMGJ licensing deals that Jeremy makes all the time, we are all writing for free… or… at least… I am…
Or perhaps I am just a sucker. (more…)
Submitted by: Janine
It’s inevitable. If you work, go to school, or leave your dank hole in the ground for any form of social contact, you WILL get sick. I don’t care what herbs you ingest or how much dolphin placenta and shark cartilage soup you eat, germs and viruses and other assorted gross things will eventually leap out of the shadows and rape your various orifices, leaving you curled up in a ball and probably leaking. Let’s face it, people in general are filthy, crawling with gross, gooey, nasty things, like influenza and cooties, and projectile-germing you with even the slightest gaze in your general area. The only way to avoid these things is to walk around in a hazmat suit with a catheter for your whole life… and also not have sex. This may not be much of a stretch for some readers, but it’s still a rather unreasonable approach to life. So in exchange for sex and peeing without a tube running up your urethra, you get to cough, sneeze, sniff, wheeze, drip, leak, shiver, sweat, and do various other gross things with unpleasant frequency while you’re sick. Unless your idea of sex IS a catheter up your urethra, you’re probably willing to accept this trade. Note: if you in fact do have some catheter fetish, no, I do NOT wish to be educated on the topic. (more…)
