OMGJeremy

Netflix Instant Queue Fridays: Bloodsucking Freaks

I’ve enjoyed the previous Netflix Friday entries, and so I’ve decided this week to feature a movie I was planning on reviewing but… well, I don’t really know if I can do this movie justice. Bloodsucking Freaks (also known by its possibly more accurate title “The Incredible Torture Show”) is pretty much one of the filthiest movies I’ve ever seen. It’s the sort of movie you’re not really sure why you’re watching, but after you are done you really want to take a shower. I can summarize the plot in a sentence.

Sardu and his midget assistant Ralphus run an S&M Theater where they torture and kill random women, and make it look like it’s all fake.

That’s it. For the entire 90 or so minutes that this movie runs, you’ll watch Sardu and Ralphus torture women for their (and our) amusement. Did you want to see a midget throw darts at a woman’s bare ass? Then Bloodsucking Freaks is the movie for you. Are you interested in watching a woman get all her teeth removed with a pair of pliers for absolutely no reason? This is also the movie for you. I mean, there’s slightly a bit more plot involving a detective who is looking for some missing girls or something, but nobody is watching this movie for the plot — you are watching the closest thing to a snuff film that I’ll ever recommend.

Of course, this movie came out in 1976 and had a budget of about $40, so the effects, while effective, are equally shitty. I mean, there’s a scene involving cutting off a woman’s feet, but the “feet” are clearly fake plastic or wooden feet with red paint smeared on top of them. Most of the torture scenes are also pretty tame compared to the torture films of today, like Hostel or the Saw films. What sets this one apart is that it’s so unapologetic in what it’s doing. We even spend the first half of this movie just sort of hanging out with Sardu and seeing how he lives his life, so you’ll end up rooting for this guy even though he’s probably one of the worst human beings you’d ever actually meet.

There’s no overall message here, there’s no point to what they’re doing that makes any real sense — Sardu and Ralphus like to torture women, and you can’t tell me after watching this that you don’t like to watch them do it.