Netflix Instant Queue Fridays: Bloodsucking Freaks
I’ve enjoyed the previous Netflix Friday entries, and so I’ve decided this week to feature a movie I was planning on reviewing but… well, I don’t really know if I can do this movie justice. Bloodsucking Freaks (also known by its possibly more accurate title “The Incredible Torture Show”) is pretty much one of the filthiest movies I’ve ever seen. It’s the sort of movie you’re not really sure why you’re watching, but after you are done you really want to take a shower. I can summarize the plot in a sentence.
Sardu and his midget assistant Ralphus run an S&M Theater where they torture and kill random women, and make it look like it’s all fake. (more…)
Brutal fact of life: Gaming will never, ever be as cool as it was in the late 80s/early 90s. Why? Several factors contribute to it: 80s/90s hairstyles, general inability to see how much we will laugh at ourselves in the future, etc. But the biggest thing that made the time so awesome was that it was all so new. Sure, games had been around for over a decade at that point. But after the video game crash in ’84, the future of gaming was mostly relegated to being bulletpoint features on shitty home computers from Radioshack. Then came the NES, and suddenly everything exploded. Gaming, as it turned out, was the real deal. And it wasn’t going anywhere. Suddenly the entire subculture of video games went mainstream, and few people were ready for it. Especially the people that quickly saw they could make a boatload of money from them. 
There is obscure, and then there is obscure. I think today’s game qualifies as the latter, as I am the only known person to have ever played it as far as I know. Over the course of a decade, I have literally never met another living soul that has played Herc’s Adventures. Occasionally, someone will think they’ve played it, only to quickly realize they are confusing it with Disney’s Hercules, or some bastard game port of The Amazing Adventures Of Hercules/Xena TV show. And wondering how more people have played those two games, yet never heard of Herc’s Adventures just makes me want to mumble to myself on a park bench at 3AM in the morning. It’s their loss, though. They missed out on one of the best action RPGs of the PSX era that still holds up pretty well over a decade later. 
I recall back when the SNES had just hit the scene, and my first time playing Super Mario World. Aside from being completely blown away by the game, I couldn’t help but be impressed by how far graphics had come along compared to the NES days. I saw this bright and detailed Mario running across my screen, and I thought about the Mario from the original Super Mario Bros. That game was officially done in my mind. That Mario was a thing of the past. I wasn’t going to help that 8 bit bastard save the day anymore. He would just have to throw a wig on of those Toads and put it face down before he plows it, because I wasn’t helping him rescue that princess any longer. Even my father had to take a sit down and stare at the tv for awhile, it was that impressive. Mario, the enemies, the levels, it all looked so incredible. I not only marveled at how far graphics had come, but I also wondered what could possibly be next. 
I have a horrible shame to admit: I was never that into Mystery Science Theater 3000. Not because I didn’t like it, but mostly because I never had a firm grasp of when or where it was on. Then when I would catch it on, it would literally always be like the last ten minutes of it. To my credit though, I always enjoyed those last few minutes a lot. By the time I figured out that this was something not to be missed, it had been relegated to only being played at 2AM on random weeknights, so I gave up that dream. Fast forward to 2010, and it seems I am now able to rectify that horrible mistake, thanks to Netflix instant streaming. And there is honestly no better introduction to how awesome MST3K is than this fine piece of Canadian cinematic gold. 
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles basically went hand in hand with my childhood. Sure, I was into He-Man and Transformers as a young 80’s kid, but when the Turtles hit, there was no turning back. Toys, clothes, cartoons, I was obsessed with all of them. Actually, I think I still have every issue of the official TMNT Magazine that was published (yes, there was an official TMNT magazine). Yeah, I was a pretty big loser, and I’d be lying if I said that I don’t have a complete set of Turtles figures sitting on my work desk right now. Some things never change, I guess. Especially the loser aspect. 
Look at you. So normal and without fault. Just sitting there, day after day with no real problems to speak of. You have a fairly mundane life, to the point that calling you ordinary is an exciting compliment. What the hell is wrong with you? Why live such a life when you too could enter the wild world of being psychologically unstable?! What? You think that’s a bad thing? Well listen up, sugar, you don’t know what you’re talking about. For instance, did you know that the Government will give people that are psychologically unfit citizens REAL MONEY just so they’ll stay away from everyday people like yourself? It’s like a Government funded pity party that only you can invite yourself to! Not to mention all the benefits that go along with being considered completely unstable. I mean really, how many other people could have a screaming, ankle-biting, froth-at-the-mouth mental breakdown right in the middle of Wal Mart, and NOT be sent to jail? It’s like having the key to the city, my man! Just think, this could all be your new and exciting life. Sound interesting? I knew it would. 
Goddamnit, we love shitty movies here at OMGJ. We love them a bit too much at times. Hell, we have a perfect example of just that 
I love rock and metal related horror movies. I’ve seen as many of them as I have been able to over the years, and they’re all well worth watching. Don’t get me wrong– most of them are terrible, but as I have probably proven over the last 10 years, I’ve got quite a bit of tolerance for garbage (coincidentally, so have you, OMGJeremy readers). This movie though, this is hands down my favorite in the genre. It’s not good by any reasonable standard, but it sort of becomes so bad that it loops around to being brilliant. 
There comes a time in a person’s life when they have to make a very drastic change. I’m speaking of the point in time when you leave your parents’ home. That magical moment when you realize that you simply cannot stand living under the same roof with your parents any longer without the consequence of you burning them alive the next time one of them gives you shit for accidentally leaving your underwear in the refrigerator again. So you move everything out of your former bedroom (for those of you around 18, for those over the age of 18 you probably live in the attic, basement, or garage… because you know, you’re independent like that) and go out into the cold, unforgiving world. A world, that honestly, simply doesn’t want you or need you. Seriously, you’re basically taking up space, and you more or less know it. You have no qualities or strengths that separate you from the millions of other people in your position, so you’re pretty much screwed, my friend. But one thing is for sure…your broke, hopeless ass needs a job. And that’s where I come in. 
Jeremy has asked me to write up a short piece every week highlighting a gem / piece of shit that is available via Watch Instantly on Netflix. With every current-gen gaming console, most computers, and other devices able to use this feature, there is literally NO excuse to not plunk down $10 a month for this service. Best of all, they have 4 seasons of Mythbusters so far and that makes for a LOT of Kari Byron stroking material. Anyway, let’s get on with this Friday’s modern masterpiece:
This is the final week of the 
