OMGJeremy

Humpday Gaming: Slaughtered Roommates (NSFW WARNING: Boobs)

If you grew up in the 80′s, then you probably have a recollection for those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. If you are not familiar, these were essentially books where you would make decisions, flip to the appropriate page, and either continue on with the book or lose / die in some form or fashion. It was a pretty cool concept, but the one problem was that after you read through and completed the book once or twice… you really had no reason to go back. But while this sounds like a decent formula for a book, how would a video-game that followed this concept turn out? In games you already had complete say over what your character did, so making that A or B decision would just suck… right? Well, one company didn’t think so. In Dire Straights Productions (a title that I imagine ended up being very appropriate for them) thought there was a market for it, and in 1999 they would put all of their “hard work” to the test with their masterpiece “Slaughtered Roommates.”

If you were a gamer, 1999 was THE year. Smash Bros., the debut of Silent Hill, Tony Hawk, and M F’n Counterstrike all graced us in the last year of the 20th century. With something for almost every gamer out there, IDSP knew that there was absolutely nothing to fill the “Shitty As Can Be Hardly Interactive Horror Fan” needs. I’ve had this game sitting around for awhile because I just couldn’t come up with a full-length write-up… but now that the standards are MUCH LOWER on the site and I can just crank out a few paragraphs, here we go!

Plot… or what the game is passing off as one.

You control some dude fresh off of his auto-mechanic job and angry because someone took his drugs. So, you do the most logical thing when your drugs come up missing… you knock out and one by one torture and kill a few girls in the makeshift torture chamber I WISH all 20-something females kept in their apartments. Apparently they are supposed to know who has your drugs, although they say they do not. One girl turns on the others but I think you kill her anyway. Mario makes an appearance as an ambulance driver and Shigeru Miyamoto can be seen crying in the shrubs over the fact that he didn’t think of this idea first.

The End.

Controls

Click the mouse.

Judging by how unamused she is, she must be reading the script for this game.

Thoughts / Regrets / Suicide Threats

I normally try to do games justice by spending all the time needed to write up the fine details of controls, storyline, and other necessary things. The above sections were as long as they needed to be, because this thing is simple as it gets. The controls for accessing this site from your browser are more complicated… and that isn’t because of the shitty layout. I do feel that this game does have one small positive to it, or more like four decent-to-okay sized positives. Tits.

Yeah, this game has tits in it.

This game at least makes up for Night Trap’s one big mistake, the lack of female nudity. This game knows that when more than two girls are hanging out together they are going to spontaneously undress and admire each others’ nude forms, all while still telling themselves that they are not curious. The female form is actually on display for almost all of this game (taking into account the length of the game which I will discuss below). These aren’t that bad either, we’re talking some at least passable breasts bouncing and heaving before us on these doomed girls.

Come on titties, let's save this game!

Essentially you just watch the videos play out and on occasion are asked to make a decision. Your decisions are:

1. Killer’s Choice A
2. Killer’s Choice B

They don’t really seem to play out that different at all, and even if you didn’t know that you would more than likely not replay it to find out. A complete play-through is going to take you about 7 or 8 minutes. Now, that is if you can stomach all of the dialog and don’t pause or rewind so you can catch one to the naked chicks. If you are just in it for the gore scenes, you won’t be playing nearly as long… BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE TO BE HAD! Are you stupid? A game has “Slaughter” in the title and you expect gore? You really should be ashamed of yourself for assuming such a thing… but you aren’t completely wrong. You see, there is one part I have been saving for the end… because it is so damn sick that if I put it at the beginning of the article you’d be too busy throwing up to make it the rest of the way through.

You see, at one point in the game… you strangle a bitch.

You strangling a bitch. Hell yes.

Then you turn your attention to the next victim. After once again asking who has your drugs (and after taking a half hour to stare at yourself in a mirror smiling while you apply ample hairspray to your fine locks), you set loose a pendulum on the poor girl. This is when true anticipation builds. The blade gets closer and closer, clearly a life-threatening device and in no way a piece of Styrofoam covered in silver spray-paint. The killer watches on as the young girl screams. At this point the blade is nearly upon her. You may find yourself at the edge of your seat at this moment, a cold washcloth for your forehead in one hand and a waste basket for your forthcoming vomit in the other. Finally the suspense is over, and the blade strikes! It is then that you are treated to a scene so graphic that I am officially calling off violent games for the rest of my life. I simply can not do it any longer. I can not witness SCENES LIKE THIS:

What have games become? What have I become? Innocence is over.

Not many of you are probably left reading this. I’m assuming only folks from the surgical field and psychopaths remain.

I’m not sure how this thing got past the censors that were running rampant in the late 90′s. I can only assume that it was such a low-profile release and there was so little word of mouth that nobody even realized it existed. While I do not enjoy this game (or even consider it a game), I do take my hat off to the creators for having the balls and low morals to release a game like this at a time where censoring games was the new “it” thing amongst overweight soccer moms who felt betrayed because the TV and video-games weren’t doing a good job raising their kids any longer.

I give them credit for that… and for putting in some pretty decent tits.