OMGJeremy

Spend The Weekend With Billy: It All Started With A Tape

I woke up around 12:30 Sunday afternoon. This is out of my normal range of get-up times; it was a late night the night before, so thus the late sleeping. I had a friend over, and we were planning on spending the day watching old mid-80′s wrestling tapes and going to a local indy show that night. Then I got a phone call.

It was my good friend Dean, who was going with us to the show that night, however he asked if he could come over early, as in within the next 45 minutes or so. I said yes, somewhat curious as his voice had an unusual hint of excitement to it. He arrived rather quickly, with 3 video-tapes in his hands. I figured it was from the last show we ran last month, however when I asked if that was indeed what was on the tapes… he only smiled, then laughed. Now the laugh let me know something was going on as it was the kind of laugh reserved by pre-teens during Family Life courses in school. That kind of nearly held-back giggle that filled the classroom when the teacher said the word “penis”.

Refusing to say what was on the tapes, he popped one into the VCR (yes I still do have a VCR, though it never gets used and the DVD player sits arrogantly next to it, the VCR is still crucial at times) and then about 10 seconds later we found out what the proverbial fuss was all about. It was wrestling. Not WWE-style wrestling with a ring and ropes…but Catfights. Catfights, for those of you who do not know, are girl-on-girl bits of action. However this was the kind of stuff that was borderline porn. Girls in their underwear pulling hair, twisting nipples, sitting on each others faces, you get the picture – and it isn’t a bad picture, at that.

Wrong kind of catfight, friends. But every bit as vicious and noisy.

We watched this, intently. If eyes were ever glued to the screen it was on this afternoon. I could not believe what I was seeing. It was something that was immediately addictive. I mean I could just hop on the internet and find naked women easy, I could wait until my girlfriend came home the next day and see nakedness firsthand even, but something about this made it just right-damn entertaining. We already praised Dean for introducing this much to us, but then Dean said something that would forever change us. The show we were supposed to attend started around 8. Dean informed us that, “They’re doing one of these shows tonight… it starts at 5:30.” My friend, suffering as most of us have from the high gas prices, was a bit reluctant to plunk down for gas to go that far out of the way, but when Dean uttered the words, “Gas… I’ll get you gas!”… my good friends, it was ON.

We drove down there and stepped in. It was a little spot in the midst of downtown. The front of the store deals in wedding videos, but when you step beyond that door, you enter a whole other realm. I swear if I would have looked back I would have seen my Decency and Morals sitting down on the floor, holding each others hands and sadly waving goodbye to me. We sat down, and were told that we needed to make the noise of about 30 people, something that may seem impossible but when half-naked ladies are in front of you becomes quite simple. The matches began, tonight it was mixed. Let me break it down for you: guys pay GOOD money ($50 a DVD) to watch women beat the ever-loving shit out of men for a good bit of time. We witnessed this first hand. Barely dressed women beating the hell out of men. Kicks to the testicles, slaps to all parts of the body, fingernails in the back, toe-hair being pulled… just… yeah.

Myself and my friend Matt could only sit back, and when our mouths were not hanging open due to shock ,they were open due to the fact that we were yelling our approval for about 2 hours straight. I can’t explain the appeal of this whole situation. Some of the girls are nice to look at, but it isn’t even something that arouses you (at least not me, but I’m sure it works for some folk), but it just draws you in. It is entertainment at its finest.

I’ve never taken any illegal drugs, but I daresay I caught a rush that night that is reserved for chronic drug-abusers. We laughed all the way to the other show we were supposed to attend, about an hour late and not caring whatsoever. I mean after seeing something like that, we figured a hand grenade would have to be exploded at the other show to even make a dent in our minds. The other show was decent, don’t get me wrong. It was the usual indy show, but if you are working at those shows the best part is hanging around backstage. Independent wrestling brings together an odd group. You have your rednecks who may or may not be able to spell their own name, but then you have very smart, clean individuals. It ranges from folks with good, well-paying, respectful jobs to people who probably wouldn’t get a callback from McDonalds. Good times, good people. Just a great day.

Got back home around 2AM. Watched some of the Simpsons season 4 dvd, went to bed watching Boxing Helena. The day was surreal. I’m glad as well, as I was starting to miss my girlfriend pretty hardcore, and at least it took my mind off things. The next morning I immediately came into my office and began talking to Matt, trying to confirm that the previous night wasn’t just some late-night eating-induced crazy dream.

Dean came over just a few hours ago, and upon saying to his wife, “Guess where I took these guys last night,” we all began giggling again. In fact as I typed this at times I had to stop. I wish I smoked right now, and that I was elderly. Because if I was I would have children gather ’round me and re-tell this story, taking long drags off my cigarette to build the kind of storytelling tension that usually only old black men can pull off.

A glimpse into the future!

It was good.

I’m glad to be alive, and I’m thrilled to be in the state of North Carolina. A few hours from the mountains, a few hours from the beach, a half hour from near-illegal activity.

Bless us.