Diary Of The Dorm Life
I was never fortunate enough to go to College after I got out of High School. I always wanted to, but several factors led to me never being able to be accepted into any colleges. Including, but not limited to:
- I had no money
- I wasn’t very smart
- I was not a minority, at least as far as I knew.
- I had the most average grades ever
- I skipped 3/4 of of my time in High School. Spending most of it learning the finer points of ordering food from Taco Bell and falling asleep on mall benches.
So as you can see, I wasn’t exactly College material. And no matter how many times your school counselor may tell you otherwise, it’s damn near fucking impossible to get into college without having some type of semi-automatic firearm held to someone’s head. And even if you did that, you most likely wouldn’t get the classes you wanted before a SWAT team shot you in the face. As it stands though, that may actually be a better overall ending to your college career than actually going to one for four years or more, which is what I recently learned for myself. (more…)
It’s time we, as mature adults, take it upon ourselves to know a bit more about what we, as incredibly horny organisms, need in our lives to make our sexual encounter with another person, or just by ourselves, that much more enriching. The only way we can do this of course, is not by simply denying a few of our more “insane” urges, and perhaps maybe even becoming a better sexual partner without the aid of inserting large machinery into your significant other.
Studio 3DO will go down in history as one of those developers that were cursed to make games for a console that was long forgotten before it even died. It’s unfortunate, since what these guys were able to produce on the ailing 3DO was nothing short of amazing. First came Killing Time. It was a flawed FPS, but was still quite the technical achievement for a console that was far past its glory years (if it ever had any). Their magnum opus however, came with the release of Blade Force. And to this day, it still amazes me just what these people were able to make the 3DO do.
Our economy is in a horrific ass-raping mess. You can tell it’s serious, because it’s not just a mess – it’s a horrific, ass-raping mess. The once-rich men are again lining the streets, selling apples and offering to do webpages for food, families are eating their dogs to survive just one day longer, and once-proud parents are selling off their children to porn shops just to make ends meet. It’s a terrible time for the ol’ US of A.
Before you get started, I feel that a new introduction is required. 8 years ago, I thought it would be fun to spend an entire weekend watching all the Leprechaun movies (
Okay kids, this one has been coming for a while. In short, I love Contra. It still holds a pretty giant chunk of my video game heart. There aren’t too many games I can think of that still bring back so many awesome memories. It was the first game I ever bought with my own money, and the first game I ever beat. It was the first game I ever played with another player, and singlehandedly helped me and my Dad get along when neither of us seemed like we wanted to. Contra, for me, is the game that instantly reminds what it was like to play games when I was a kid. There’s no use waxing too nostalgic about it, as Contra was king, and always will be as far as I’m concerned. Even if it did go south in the worst way possible eventually.
And lo it did happen that in some issue in the nineteen of nineties, the masters of endless hype, Gamefan Magazine, did publish an article of a game that was to be the second coming of Christ himself. A game in which all the planets and heavens would align to bring forth an action game of such supreme power that no one on Earth would be able to look away from it. Graphics so divine that even that jaded forty year-old guy that worked at Gamestop would bow down at their sheer power. Gameplay that redefined just what mortals thought of a 3D action game. It was all about to come together for a single game. And that game would be called: O.N.E.
Hey guys, do you know what’s totally rad? That’s right! You got it on your first guess! Old people are totally rad! They have reached the end times of their personal existences and are often enough crotchety, curmudgeonly, and basically a danger to themselves and others. If you can tell me anything alive that’s more awesome than that, I will have to strongly consider your argument and then ultimately decide to chuckle and pretend that you were actually just trying to crack a weak joke because NOTHING and I mean nothing can compare favorably to the elderly.
