Spend The Weekend With Billy: Internet Rage
I often stray from “Top 10 Lists.” Not just because I think most of them are pointless and about things I don’t give a shit about… but because they are usually full of the most unfunny shit of any pieces of entertainment writing out there. Was a deadline creeping up and a writer needed to crank out some bullshit to meet it? That fucker just cranks out a Top 10 List and his job is saved for another day of getting up early, sucking some bigwig dick, and being an asshole.
Yeah, we did some lists on this site, but those are different. We aren’t getting paid (F U Jeremy) to do this.
But at heart this article isn’t really about my hatred for such things. Yes, what I am talking about was found within a Top 10, but it is not about lists themselves.
Time.com decided to suck the dick and put out a “Top 10 Everything of 2009.” An attempt to chart the “highs and lows of the past year in 50 wide-ranging lists.” The lists were the standard nonsensical mess that was pretty much like an OMGJeremy.com reader-submitted article… something that tried hard but the only funny thing about it was that someone actually took the time to pound out such putrid gibberish.
Now, I’m not here to trash the lists themselves, but just something I noticed while looking through one of them. The “Top 10 Awkward Moments” list hit the nail right on the head, but not in the way the Time.com staff intended. As you can see from the picture below, they were speaking of an incident from some television show that I am sure also sucks, and they posted a picture to go with it. Now, that should look familiar to most of you. Normally when you see an image like that you know it means you can watch the Youtube video. You just click the button and it starts on up.
Not this time.
That is an image my friends, not a Youtube link. With all of the vast resources Time Magazine has, this was the best image they could pull up to go with this entry. They didn’t just get the show and rip an image off of it, or at least hit play on the Youtube video so that the big “Play” symbol, description, and even the freaking star ratings weren’t on it… no. Using the endless resources and billions of dollars they have, some hard-working Time.com staff member cracked open Howie’s Funware and capped themselves a picture of the whole goddamn thing with no regard for things such as journalistic integrity or common-fucking-sense on the internet even though you are writing for a website.
Of course most folks who read Top 10 lists won’t even notice, as they are sitting behind their desks typing away at memos wondering why they are nearing 50 and everyone else around them is half their age. But to those of us who have been on the internet for a year or two, we know that something isn’t quite right. I know I can’t say much, as my “journalism” over the years has included such fine works as NES Strip Poker games and other assorted anime-game horrors with big ol’ floppy titties… but come on. THIS is an all time low. Boo to you, Time.com staff! Spend a few dollars and help Alex Altman learn to use the goddamn internet. His name is even in all caps for God’s sake… is he yelling it to us? I wouldn’t want to be yelling that I was the one who doesn’t know how a Youtube video link works.
I’ve got a list for them in fact. I bring you:
Better Late Than Never List of Dumbassed Moments Involving People Who Should Know How to Use the Internet Failing at Using the Internet Even Though They Work FOR a Website.
1. ALEX “AllCaps” ALTMAN of Time.com
Yes, that picture is supposed to be on here three times. Yes, you are supposed to be as outraged by this as I am… or else I’m gonna feel a little bit lonely and a little bit weird.
