OMGJeremy

Top Runners For Best Costumes of 09

While we’ve done our fair share of incredibly bad Halloween costumes in the past. I figure before we get to that this year, maybe we should check out what would actually qualify as a really good Halloween costume. And I’m not talking about that deluxe Master Chief costume or that one Batman costume that’s goddamn everywhere this year. No, we’re talking about costumes that would absolutely steal the show wherever you could show it off. Costumes so ghastly that no child on your block would come close to your house for nigh on twenty years after you walked out of your front door with one of these bad boys on. These… THESE are the cream of the crop…

Oversized Grim Reaper

As if the Grim Reaper needed to be any more frightening

Holy shit. Nothing says Halloween like a giant Grim Reaper with hands large enough to grope anything within ten feet. While the mask is ghastly enough, it’s those oversized hands that bring it into league with the worst of nightmares. And while they’re certainly frightening to look at, the idea of what YOU could do with them is even more frightening. So what if you decide to try to use them to upskirt every single girl at the party? That’s what they get for wearing that skimpy nurses outfit. Besides, if there’s one night of the year you’ll be able to get away with it, it’s Halloween. Especially when you’re looking that damn boss.

Deluxe Zombie

Zombies may be played out, but there's always room for a really good one.

Zombie costumes aren’t the easiest to pull off. Most just look like someone ripped their jeans apart and slammed their face repeatedly into their girlfriend’s makeup drawer. That is no zombie, friend. In fact, you’d be more in line to expect to be recognized as the lead singer of some androgynous Japanese goth band.

This zombie though… my God… where to begin? First off, it LOOKS like a zombie. From the awesome looking mask, to the crazy oversized hands, wait would a zombie have oversized hands?  WHO CARES. The chest piece looks a little too large, as if this particular zombie is somehow about to give birth to many baby zombies through it, though you can’t fault it too much. Hell, most zombie movie zombies don’t look this good. I think that’s more than enough to get you a little play from any girl at the party. And even if they don’t let you, just remember that zombies don’t know the difference between yes and no. Just braaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinsssssss.

Giant Frankenstein’s Monster Thing

You may die from wearing it, but you'll look damn cool while you do.

Ever wanted to be Frankenstein’s Monster? Yeah, me neither. I always viewed him as one of the lesser monsters. Like the one you always feel obligated to mention just because it’s Frankenstein’s Monster and everyone knows who that is, but no one much likes him. He’s like the Dane Cook of the monster world.

It’s not until you see this thing though that you realize just how cool that fucker could be. This giant hulking beast of skin, hoses, and metal. THAT is what a Frankenstein should be, and I would gladly show that shit off anywhere. If I could manage to actually put it on and walk ten feet without completely dehydrating and collapsing through the floor that is. This beast looks to be more than a bit of a chore to wear, so if you do find yourself choosing this guy, just remember to pack a lot of bottled water in there with you.

Alien Parasite

Why hello there

Aliens are pretty sweet just by default, but the best kinds of aliens are the ones that grow out of you. Mostly because of the terror that is anything parasitic, but also because that shit is just damn scary. The craziness that is this alien parasite costume though goes beyond that, into a realm where most people would have just killed themselves even thinking of such a thing happening to them. The guy in the picture seems cheerfully optimistic however. Possibly at the thought of just how cool this fucker will be at the local Halloween party. For added awesomeness, proclaim that your new alien host is a belligerent drinker. Role play this up to quickly become the only person at the party too cool looking to be thrown out for being so drunk you can’t stop making out with your own costume.

Chef From Hell

Really not that far off from the guy working at the Taco shanty down the street.

Finally we have this masterful recreation of what many of us fear the chefs at any local fast food restaurant are. We rarely get to see behind the scenes, so it would not be a stretch to think that McDonalds has hired demons from the depths of hell to make my McGriddle. While the mouth on the stomach is supposed to be the highlight, for me it has to be the stunningly bulbous double chin this fucker is sporting. I’ve only ever seen one man sport a double chin that large, and that was scary enough. This guy is offering to make me food though, and that is a line of fright I refuse to cross. Not even for a McGriddle.

And there you go, some of the best Halloween costumes you could wear this Halloween. I didn’t post prices or links simply because, well, they’re really goddamn expensive. More than you’d probably ever imagine spending on something you’d wear for one day of the year. Then again, there are those people paying 90 bucks for the honor of wearing a Master Chief costume that looks like it was painted over a pair of thermal Underoos. So who cares, go nuts, kids – look them up yourself if you are so inclined.

Halloween is worth it.