OMGJeremy

A Quick Guide to Pet Society

With today’s other article being about responsible pet ownership, I figured I would do my part for those of you that can’t own a pet, and therefor must find your pet experience elsewhere. Most likely in a virtual format. There are many, many sad virtual pet programs online, but for today we’ll be focusing on one of the more popular games: Pet Society on Facebook. Or what I have come to refer to as “The Game I Play Voluntarily That Makes Me Feel Most Embarrassed To Be Alive.”

Pet Society exists solely in Facebook, so if you don’t have an account, just go sign up, and you’re in. Find the Pet Society app, and get ready for ten whole minutes of exciting pet gameplay.

This is my pet's house. Notice how it is all too cute to even look at

This is my Pet Society pet and his house. Notice he appears to be on PCP. He has had a rough pet life. I don’t judge him though, and you shouldn’t either. McLovely exists in Pet Society mostly to smile a lot and dance with people. He relies on me to do things like clean him with his brush and soap, and to feed him pizza and cupcakes 24 hours a day. Sometimes he likes to play games, like jumprope and tossing a ball back and forth. I don’t like to play these games though, as they make me far more frustrated than I ever want to be playing a game called Pet Society.

I went to Amanda's house here. Notice how she seems to be uncomfortable at this prospect. I hugged her anyway

If you get tired of sitting around with your pet, you can go visit your friends (You must have real life friends playing Pet Society to visit them. You could make fake Facebook accounts to make friends for yourself in Pet Society, but if you have to do that then it may be time to reevaluate your life at this point). When you visit friends, you can do such exciting things as dance with them, tell them a joke, or watch tv with them. None of that matters though, as the only real reason to visit friends is to harvest sweet, sweet coins from them upon each daily visit. Friendship is not why you play Pet Society. Coins are where your allegiance lies. Soon you realize Pet Society is the most shallow collection of cute animals ever, and all they want is each other’s coins. Then you get really, really sad.

Most of this will take you a few days of gameplay to get. All of it is worth it. Especially the ladybug

So yes, Pet Society revolves around coins. Everything in Pet Society you buy costs a certain amount of coins. Above you can see a small selection of the things available in any one store. You ask why anyone would ever want to own such a collection of things? I ask myself that question every time I buy some of it. Then I immediately go try to hug more of my “friends” to get more coins and buy more stupid shit for my PCP-addled cat. This is just how shit works in Pet Society. And the more you question it, the more angry you’re going to get. So just buy your stupid pink couch made out of balloons and shut up.

I fell no less than 10 times in this race

You can also participate in Pet Society’s only real game activity by going to the stadium and racing other pets in the single most frustrating racing game in the history of ever. You have no control over your pet. Instead, you have to use your mouse to click your pet to make him jump over hurdles, or click banana peels so that he doesn’t slip on them, costing him valuable seconds. Sounds like a solid little minigame, right? I’m sure you’ll agree after your pet has tripped over his 5th hurdle no matter how perfect you time that fucker, and then get beat at the last second by pets that were half a mile behind you the entire race. Then you grit your teeth so hard you give yourself a nose bleed. A fun game for all.

After you’re done with your race, you see that you have exhausted all that Pet Society has to offer. You can redecorate your house, or buy more stupid shit, but beyond that, that’s all you get. Pet Society isn’t made for long gaming hauls. It’s generally there for you to log in, hug all your friends for coins, break your keyboard in half after running a few races, buy shit, and then log out until tomorrow. Then you get to do it all again. And believe me, you will. You’ll also get the added benefit of having a never-ending sense of feeling like your friends are just using you for their own gain.

I know...I know