Review: Urban Champion
Before I get into this write-up, I want to get one thing out in the open. I don’t give a damn that the PS3 has so-and-so frames per second. Or that the Wii changed casual gaming forever. I don’t even care that the 360 made playing games online easier than anything before it. In my view, the NES was, and always will be the greatest video game system of all time. And what I am about to talk to you about is a contributing factor to the NES’s greatness, and why I couldn’t care less about modern technology in general. Yes, I am talking about: URBAN CHAMPION.
This game was one of the NES’s early titles, and by far one of the best. Why was this game so great you say? Why could this game be so overlooked in the pantheon of greatness that it surely belongs to? Why should YOU care about the Urban Champion? Well, let’s take a look:
CONTROL:
The most fluid and innovative control in any fighting game, just by pushing the B button you could pull off such moves as the:
“Punch To The Head”!
"oof!"
And the ever devastating:
“Punch To The Gut”!
"OH BROTHER!"
With a press of the A button, you could pull off such bonecrushing moves as the:
“Hard Punch To The Head”!
"My head is crippled!"
And who could ever forget the:
“Hard Punch To The Gut”!
"I can no longer have children"
Stand back Tekken and DOA, your fancy button-tappin’ marathon matches pale in comparison to the smooth gameplay of UC!
GRAPHICS:
Much like the “Hard Punch To The Head,” this game’s graphics will knock you on your ass. The first thing about this game that grabs your attention are the stunning, fully interactive backgrounds. In this game you can fight in such exotic locales as the:
Snack Bar!
When you get a snack at the snack bar, it PUNCHES YOU IN THE DAMN GUT
Barber Shop!
Get you a hair cut so it can be pulled out of your scalp
Book Store!
Books mean nothing in UC. You will only learn PAIN, here.
And who could forget the sheer awe you were in when you first laid eyes on the ungodly graphics of the:
Restaurant!
BAHGAWD
And some people are foolish enough to say that the NES graphics are outdated… those dumb bastards must not have played UC! The grace at which this game has aged is unmatched.
Overall:
I could talk on and on about the virtues of UC. Not only is the game forever a classic, but the Urban Champion himself is a role model for all young children. For you see, underneath that rugged, streetwise exterior… is a man. A man who longs for more than street-fighting and hiding from the police. The UC is a man who is unhappy, and he expresses his anger the only way he knows how.
By caving in the skulls of underage slime.
You have taught us so much, Urban Champion.
