OMGJeremy

Spend The Weekend With Billy: Sex And Potato Bakes

There Goes the Neighborhood

So, we have now met both of our upstairs neighbors.

We met the woman who lives up there pretty soon after moving in.  The usual not-quite-right but not insane sort of girl that comes with mandatory medium-length dark hair and a face that just screams that it has taken a punch or two over time.  She also has a yappie dog… one of those small numbers that even dog-lovers tire of very quickly.  She seemed nice enough though, so you sort of just let everything slide and just hope that your interactions are limited to running into each other on the way out every now and then.  

We are here maybe a week or two and I am going to bed at about 3AM when I hear something… squeaking.  Yes, they are doing it.  I was amazed at how loud the squeaking was.  It was like that over-exaggerated squeaking you would hear in a sitcom or a shitty romantic comedy.  It’s the kind of sound that you had no clue a bed could really make.  Anyway this goes on for a few minutes, and then everything gets quiet.  About a minute later I hear the front door SLAM.  Yes, a slamming door just a moment after the throes of passion ended.  My mind raced with so many possibilities that I stayed up another hour just trying to figure it out.  Was the sex bad (for the record I have never heard any moaning, just that god-awful squeaking)?  Did she not let him turn her exit into an entrance?  Did he call her fat right afterward?  So many possibilities, all rather unlikely and probably just him going out to smoke or something like that and shutting the door a little too hard… but that isn’t any fun to speculate about.

My rough idea of what their bed looks like

The guy, who I would meet later… he is interesting.  He is originally from up north, which did impress me somewhat because he has come down here and gotten the slightly tanned and trashy redneck look right down.  I’m not sure if he was missing any teeth, but I would not drop my glass in shock if someone walked in and told me he was.  He asked if they made too much noise since they were up at late hours.  He specifically wanted to know if I had heard any screaming.  The funny thing is, every time I bump into either of them they ask the same thing.  I assure him I did not.  It’s true really, I’ve heard arguing, vacuuming at 3AM, and the sounds of furniture being dragged all over, but never screaming.

Speaking of the arguing, I have heard it twice now.  It seemed pretty heated on both occasions, so hopefully some future-drama is on the way.  He does look like he would/has beat her after all.  So ladies, if you are looking for a less than average looking guy who will probably beat you and enjoys a good beer while watching “the game,” and fellows if you are looking for a girl who isn’t too smart, isn’t too attractive, and has a yappie dog who she probably values more than she ever will your love… you might be in luck soon!  Mind you that I’ll hear it every time you do it.

POTATO BAKE

I am hooked on Stouffer’s Cheddar Potato Bake.  Hooked as in I make myself eat only one a day, but I could in all honesty take down over 10 of them in one sitting.  Imagine someone sorta took a baked potato… only not, and made it awesome.  Everything about this heavenly creation is just right.  I was a bit hesitant at first since it honestly doesn’t look that appetizing, but 3 minutes later I was scraping my finger around the bottom of the plate trying to get every last bit of cheese and complaining about how they don’t make them bigger.

Pay your respects

These are like crack to me.  I’m so deep into this food that I oftentimes catch myself singing about it to the tune of Wham’s “Wake me Up Before you Go Go,” replacing the word “Jitterbug” with “Potato Bake.”  I beg of you to all go out and buy this.  You don’t have to eat it, in fact you can mail it to me if you want.  But just make sure this product stays on the market.  Do not let it go the way of the PB Max and Clearly Canadian flavored water… favorites of mine that have perished over the years.

I just finished one about 10 minutes ago, and I am already thinking about when my time will come to have another.  My stock of five has finally been depleted… and I am getting a little on edge knowing that when I reach for that sweet potato-baked goodness I will not have it at my fingertips.  I’m sweating a little, but not because it’s the end of June.

Anyway… that is about all for this week.  I am currently in love with Ghostbusters for the 360, very surprised with how great it is on the Wii as well.  I’ll probably do a bit more on those later.  Also addicted heavily to Fable 2, trying to enjoy Far Cry 2, and playing through the rest of the FEAR series with FEAR Files just because I guess I have to pay respects to a series where my character actually got raped.