Generic Toy Roundup Week: Space Defender
There are tons of toys you may gloss over while walking the aisles of a flea market or local dollar store. The ones that just seem too generic to even pay attention to at all. Like the obligatory generic G.I. Joe with attack dog, or some knock-off Transformer that looks like it was molded out of a piece of wall plaster. Sometimes though, it might be worth your time to examine things a bit closer. Case in point; This shockingly awesome (bad) Space Defender toy. Looking as if it has seemingly conquered the impossibility of time travel to beam itself straight from an 80′s era K-Mart clearance rack, right to your local Big Lots.
Make no bones about it, Space Defender is a piece of crap that seems to have no equal. BUT, it’s the little things that makes Space Defender so endearing. For one, the packaging is simply awesome. Far be it for Space Defender to go that route that 98% of every other generic toy out there, creating packaging that was made with the copy and paste tool in MS Paint. No, Space Defender has gone the extra mile to assure you that, while this toy may look to be no more than a bar of soap carved into a vague humanoid form, it will at least have a package that shows you just how awesome a carved bar of soap can be. Check out that scary assed robot head. Or the five box-outs showing upwards of four things that the toy can’t even do. Just awesome.
The toy itself seems to be a reject from He-Man, which is saying a lot if you can say that a toy “Just isn’t good enough” to be in the He-Man toy line. A toy line that at one point had a skunk man in orange armor. Poor Space Defender can’t even live up to that legacy, which is sad, since the box is just so badass. He seems to feature some sort gimmick involving lights and/or terrible screeching electronic noises, but I could get none to work. He is also poseable according to the package, which is a damn lie, since the arms could barely move forward, while his legs had become completely immobile. Due largely in part to the molding of the legs, and the makers of the toy simply not giving a damned shit. I’m guessing the entire toy’s budget was spent on the package, and a bottle of tequila.
My suggestion:
Punt Space Defender to your dog, and hang the package on your wall. Everyone wins this way.
