OMGJeremy

Spend the Weekend With Billy: Wet Towels and Achievements

Jeremy told me to write up a regular piece that will show up every weekend.  I said yes, thinking of how simple it would be to just knock it out early on in the week and have my site responsibilities all finished up.  It is now 6:20PM on Friday.  Not given any real set theme, I have decided that I will just highlight my week and the goings-on that have taken place during it.  I had originally hoped to use this space to post pictures of the ugliest people I have come across over the week, but when you point a camera at an ugly person they generally become very defensive.

Heatwave

It has finally gotten hot in this asshole of a state called Michigan.  Not really that hot, but it has gotten to the point to where you can survive without wearing three layers of clothing.  No longer having to make sure every inch of skin I wanted to keep was covered, a whole new set of problems came around.  It’s hot inside.  We do have air conditioning, but it just doesn’t work that well.  In the layout of the bedroom the only logical place to put the bed was over the only vent in the room.  I mean really, it was the only good spot to put the bed.  So yeah, the air works okay (it isn’t hitting on much as it is) but it isn’t doing the job at all.  So as is the case with most emergencies that would otherwise require a great deal of work or money to solve, I turn back to my Southern upbringing and crazy-assed relatives logic:

I hung a wet towel in the window.

Why? Well, any time a room gets hot I go back to the hottest summer I can recall from my childhood.  We were in my uncle’s trailer (single-wide, wood paneling, wooden furniture, Native American decorations, the works) and it was a sweltering summer day.  Shortly after the television announced it was over 100 degrees outside, the power went out.  After waiting several minutes – mostly because this was a common happening lately because some idiot managed to knock out the power on two occasions while trying to steal cable – my uncle stood up and proclaimed enough was enough.  He didn’t necessarily say it that way, it was more of a “Sweatin’ too fuckin’ much,” followed by a stomping off to the bathroom.  He came back out with a soaking wet towel, which I thought he would use to put over himself or on his head or one of the other sane things one could do with a wet towel.  Instead he opened the window (letting the window unit FALL out in the process) and threw the towel over the curtain rod.  The rest of us stared at amazement at this point, and I think he could tell we were doubting whatever it was he was doing.  In what was surely a lesson for us in being confident in yourself even when facing the greatest doubt and adversity, he near-yelled “One goddamn minute and y’all are gonna be freezin’.”

My uncle was a drunk, a man with a short temper, and one of the funniest people I have ever met.  However on this day, he was also 100% correct.  Almost instantly we felt a cool breeze blowing through the window, and within 10 minutes we were heading out the door to play outside because it was literally too cold.  I recall his laughter as we started to head out the door, the shit-eating “I told you so” grin that he had so rightly earned the right to wear.  He had proven to me that on this day, man can triumph over the elements.  If Mother Nature was Father Nature, he would have suffered from my uncle rising up through the clouds to give him an uppercut in the balls.

I am not my uncle, which is good and bad.  The main bad being that no matter how often I try, the towel trick is still very much hit or miss.  I’ve tried it on several occasions in many homes, and I’m maybe 40% with it at best.  It always starts off pretty similar, with my standing up and proclaiming that this heat is going to be brought down to its knees.  Missing is drunken stumble to grab a towel, and I have to fake the being sure of myself instead of having that aura of never being wrong that comes with several drinks.  I’ve never sent people running out of the room to avoid the 2nd ice age.  I’ve never had the chance to let out that “I told ya so” as they sprinted away.  The day that I do though, I am going to make them feel as shitty as possible for doubting me.  I work on the grin in the mirror, and I even hate myself when I see it.  But we will see how often that happens.  Like I said, it only works roughly 40% of the time.  This current time falls into that 60%.  I’m typing this with a wet towel in the window that is doing absolutely nothing, a floor fan that, much like Amanda Wood, only seems to blow hot air, and a hand-towel draped over my head.  I am currently thinking of what I could possibly do next.  After I finish this I will be constructing a complex tunnel system to force the air from the AC into the middle of the room.  I wish I had Legos around right now to aid me.

Don’t Stop Achievin’

For the longest time I have thought the idea of achievements in XBox360 games were just stupid.  I mean it can be cool to have one pop up when you do something amazing, a small reward of sorts for your hard work in finishing a game or just being awesome.  I liked them to that extent, but I never really cared what my score was.  That is, until recently.  I stumbled upon a site that sort of blogs for your 360, and in which it gives a detailed account of what your score is and what your point gain was from day to day.  There is even a rankings board for overall score, achievements gained, etc.  It was all downhill from there.

A leaderboard or public forum that gives me direct human competition always brings out the worst in me.  Even if it is something I know is hopeless, I will try again and again to climb the ranks and hope that knocking someone out of 14,398th place will make them cry.  So I’ve been on an achievement tear lately, doing all I can to rake in those points.  I’ve been playing through old games I never thought I would play again, and beating the shit out of current games in an effort to get 10 or so points.  When I found myself thinking about re-playing Alone in the Dark (because I hurried through that piece of shit), I knew I had hit hard times.  Of course that wasn’t as bad as the guy who sent me 5 messages within 10 minutes because he wanted me to come help him boost multi-player in Legendary.  For those of you not really in the know about games, that is a very sad thing to want to do.  When I got the first message I swore it was some sort of prank, and that when I got into the room they would all laugh at me and leave, heading off into the sunset to play much better games.  I declined the offer, though a message sent the other day notified me that it was “cash” and that it only took 3 hours to get all the multi-player achievements.  I’d like to think I am not that sad… but shit, I seriously considered playing more Sneak King just so I could get the miserable 200 points it had to offer.

Sneak King, Alone in the Dark, Legendary multi-player… this is what my gaming life has come to.

Oh yeah, on the awesome side of things, the ladyfriend and I traveled to this amazing arcade/novelty/oddity place.  I’m going to try to just do a full review on it, but I want to ask permission first and be all legit.  Well, I have spoke a little on what is going on with me… which I hope at least is somewhat interesting.  I’m supposed to do this every weekend and it will be up from early Saturday to late Sunday… so if you don’t like it just go outside and have a life and not be sitting on the internet all weekend, assholes!